Tim Onion's avatar

Tim Onion

@bencollins.bsky.social

72518 followers 1407 following 2700 posts

American businessman.

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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That sounds all right.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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I want to make it clear: I have no idea who any of you are.

3 replies 0 reposts 9 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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Guys I’m right here

5 replies 0 reposts 82 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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"The Bernie Bros and K-Hive appear to be forming an alliance," I say at the 4th of July cookout. An anvil falls out of the sky directly onto my person, killing me instantly. God appears through the clouds. "I did that," he says. Family and friends applaud politely.

32 replies 237 reposts 1668 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

Your Internet Friend Tom Tomorrow's avatar Your Internet Friend Tom Tomorrow @tomtomorrow.bsky.social
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fuck man, I don't even know what to say anymore. One political party wants to burn everything to the ground and institute theocratic, kleptocratic autocracy. I think this is bad, just one man's opinion.

20 replies 142 reposts 1214 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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I love this guy's posture. He always looks like he's in the front row of an airplane where the roof just flew off.

54 replies 62 reposts 829 likes

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Phil Lewis's avatar Phil Lewis @phillewis.bsky.social
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MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. (AP) — Google falling short of important climate target, cites electricity needs of AI.

54 replies 97 reposts 383 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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Should I ruin my relationships and buy Balatro?

30 replies 1 reposts 148 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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The famous conservative position of "Kamala would wipe the floor with Trump at this point."

5 replies 1 reposts 50 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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I think we've established this: Bill Maher is not a human being.

9 replies 3 reposts 113 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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I'm in favor of not dying in a gulag because DOJ Special Constabulary JD Vance doesn't think I expressed enough fealty to our beautiful president.

2 replies 14 reposts 132 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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I'm not saying you're inventing a guy here, but type "Kamala" into this app. I don't see people calling for contested conventions, even among the left. I see people calling for his handpicked VP because they realize what's at stake and that there's no time.

3 replies 0 reposts 20 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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Part of this is that the president isn't going to quit on the week of the 4th of July. There's no reality where that happens. They accidentally bought themselves some time with the timing of the debate, wholly by mistake. We'll see where we're at by Monday.

2 replies 0 reposts 19 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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I actually don't think anybody is screaming for that, I think that's just cope. People want Harris because they want a living person to beat back against fascism. I don't think that's a crazy ask.

7 replies 0 reposts 70 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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I'm once again going to give the speech that anything's possible if you just call anyone you've ever met who may know a guy who knows a guy with the same feelings about a place as you have, but who also happens to have human money.

1 replies 0 reposts 38 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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National Politician Don't Kill a Dog Challenge

42 replies 100 reposts 594 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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Joe Biden is a second apron team, unfortunately his hands are tied and he can't do anything. *other second apron team signs LeBron James*

2 replies 0 reposts 16 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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Finding solace in reading about NBA free agency, where the rules are considerably more defined and enforced than American criminal law.

11 replies 59 reposts 524 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

Josh Gondelman's avatar Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman.bsky.social
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I can’t believe the Supreme Court just ruled that the president can sleep outdoors in a public space.

38 replies 1183 reposts 4580 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

b-boy bouiebaisse's avatar b-boy bouiebaisse @jbouie.bsky.social
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all of this for donald fucking trump of all people

92 replies 477 reposts 3052 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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CBS Special Report about the SCOTUS ruling had a hard out directly into The Price Is Right intro which got me good.

7 replies 53 reposts 526 likes

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Adam Bonin's avatar Adam Bonin @adambonin.bsky.social
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Justice Sotomayor, in conclusion.

3 replies 145 reposts 481 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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900 or it’s time for someone capable. Tony Hawk or one of those 14 year olds from San Luis Obispo.

3 replies 0 reposts 26 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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It’s time for Joe Biden to drop IN… to this halfpipe.

16 replies 13 reposts 267 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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"You're not going to believe the allegations about Dr. Disrespect." First of all, who's that? Second of all, yes I am.

11 replies 38 reposts 425 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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I laughed so hard a couple of weeks ago when my friend asked me "have you heard the rumors about Dr. Disrespect?" and I'm sorry but I thought a cancelation was built in there.

7 replies 2 reposts 202 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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As one of those, historically, we are not sending our best.

3 replies 0 reposts 37 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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Seems like he'd have a reliably lethal Samoan Drop.

1 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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If he didn't recently have cancer, I think he'd be a very obvious Veep to Harris.

2 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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There is a pro wrestling Royal Rumble Surprise Entrant element to this that Dems are underplaying. People forget that McCain shot up in the polls because he picked a popular female governor who wasn't 1 million years old. It was only later revealed she was one of the dumbest people alive.

18 replies 19 reposts 280 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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They kind of gave away the game this week.

1 replies 0 reposts 49 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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Weirdly considering how unprecedented the situation is. But, yeah, there is a process for this and this is what it would look like.

2 replies 0 reposts 16 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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That's like 11 people total in the entire country and all of them have contributor deals at one of two cable networks. And I also think their paycheck depends on getting with the program, at that point.

2 replies 0 reposts 74 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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She's basically the only path forward that doesn't balkanize the entire Democratic Party and lead to a nightmare at the convention. Even the farther left wing seems to be all right with it because they're being realistic about the situation. If Biden does a torch pass, it's weirdly straightforward.

14 replies 1 reposts 106 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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It's the best pop song since As It Was.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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Those bylines are plugged in, btw. Doubt that was put out lightly.

0 replies 0 reposts 8 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
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Permanent arbitrage play in the RFK market.

1 replies 0 reposts 22 likes