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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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I've been doing this for free, like a chump
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Fart To Table@farttotable.bsky.social |
184 followers 258 following 490 posts
Destroying my mental health one doom scroll at a time!
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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I've been doing this for free, like a chump
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Mina Li (she/her)
@codenameminali.bsky.social
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turns out my state is having a contest on "I Voted" sticker designs, and I would like to show you the most metal one by a middle schooler:
111 replies 1209 reposts 5108 likes
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merritt k
@merrittk.com
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From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine.
27 replies 326 reposts 1953 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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This makes me cry apple pie filling
0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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Thank goodness you have such a vigilant protector!
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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Big day for I told you so's
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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If we go to the Boston Harbor and scoop the water back into tea cups, do you think they'll take us back?
1 replies 3 reposts 8 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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Fuethermore, the Supreme Court ruled the president can pay for war with Kohl's cash, citing the founding fathers' love of big box stores
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Josh Gondelman
@joshgondelman.bsky.social
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I can’t believe the Supreme Court just ruled that the president can sleep outdoors in a public space.
38 replies 1183 reposts 4596 likes
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Paul F. Tompkins
@pftompkins.bsky.social
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It’s such a drag getting into arguments about a friend’s ugly bicycle and I’m sad to discover it happens all over the world
11 replies 33 reposts 424 likes
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Al Yankovic
@alyankovic.bsky.social
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A true artist and a truly sweet man. RIP, MM.
41 replies 288 reposts 3108 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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Cool, cool. Awesome. Good thing we don't need experts weighing in on regulations. Otherwise, we might have some pesky studies about why housing the homeless is both more humane and cheaper than punishing them for existing.
0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes
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maura quint
@mauraquint.bsky.social
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without exaggeration, this is the worst thing I have ever seen in the political world and I was a child in Pennsylvania when Budd Dwyer held office
36 replies 82 reposts 656 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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This debate is some of the bleakest shit I've ever seen. They both sound like they're speaking words as they learn them. That's the kindest thing I could say.
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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Just tell them they filmed the debate and air reruns of classic infomercials. We'd all be better off learning about the Turbo Cooker
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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There's no player stat for this. It's just devilry
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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This sucks so much
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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As someone married to someone who is currently playing the Elden Ring DLC, I've observed a dramatic uptick of "rude, wtf" being muttered
1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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Sometimes thoughts can stay inside the head and idk if people remember that
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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emma garbage time
@garbagetime.bsky.social
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many on this site don’t know they can write their screeds in a notes app that no one will ever see and they’ll probably feel the same amount of catharsis
11 replies 30 reposts 229 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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I've discovered the worst thing to read after applying for a job, and it's: "You're almost done! Now submit a video about why you'd be great for the role!"
1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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Osita Nwanevu
@ositanwanevu.bsky.social
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I dunno, seems like some guys put it there. Probably drove. That would be my theory
33 replies 72 reposts 950 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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One thing I really love about my husband is that he has a sixth sense about references that will become inside jokes. When he laughs it's a fully belly laugh too, so it makes it even funnier every time
0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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There is a perfect human out there, and his name is Zac Oyama
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Coach Finstock
@coachfinstock.bsky.social
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There needs to be some kind of game like Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon for how quickly someone gets off topic in a thread. How long does it take to go from "check out this cool bird" to "enjoy the camps"
12 replies 18 reposts 158 likes
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Sarah Parcak, Book Writing Madness
@indyfromspace.bsky.social
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Some advice after 25 years of work in Egypt/living in AL: 1) Liquid IV is best electrolyte/salt hydration drink (or Pedialyte) 2)If overheated, cool shower, then colder bath (slow temp decrease) 3) Freeze bottles of water. Put between legs (crotch)+ under armpits+ at neck. Will cool blood rapidly
43 replies 722 reposts 1467 likes
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Rachel Lense is Professionally Curious
@rachellense.bsky.social
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I made this Pride flag using only NASA images and our team thought it would be cool to share on social (I work on the NASA heliophysics communications team), but it's getting all sorts of hate on the bird app and Fbook. Thought y'all might be more appreciative of it here. ☺️🏳️🌈💖
982 replies 9327 reposts 23917 likes
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Jason, ex Inferis
@benedictsred.bsky.social
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Just make Flamin’ Hot Advil. Nothing fucking matters.
25 replies 298 reposts 1259 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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I'm incredibly impressed you made it past level 1
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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hammancheez
@hammancheez.bsky.social
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*Farnsworth voice* good news everybody
41 replies 479 reposts 2125 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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I want a game where you're a monster in a lair just trying to make a salad, and adventurers keep coming in and attacking you. You win the game by finally sitting down and eating the whole salad.
2 replies 0 reposts 15 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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A gritty Kirby where a little guy inhales strangers and takes on their vows for vengeance
0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes
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Rhett Derrick
@lawzag.bsky.social
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I wish Stephen King had written the screenplay for Cocaine Bear. King: Ok, bear finds a bunch of cocaine in the woods and eats it. He then finds a typewriter and cranks out 15,000 words a day. Producer: That doesn’t seem plausible. King: I’ve tested this and this is exactly how cocaine works.
19 replies 160 reposts 1318 likes
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angrysunbird
@angrysunbird.bsky.social
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16 replies 822 reposts 3251 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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It does seem to be bad form. I feel like there should be a rule where we get to watch the judge punch him in the face
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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What is your stance on threatening the judge's children?
1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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But he hid his crimes in a journal labeled Top Secret Definitely Not Crimes!!!
2 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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She is by far the funniest and most sophisticated being in this apartment
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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She has extensive opinions about V-lookups and you will hear every word
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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It is Marcy's birthday, and all she wants is to talk to you about B2B sales
3 replies 3 reposts 13 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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If I stop posting, then who will you scroll past?
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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3 teen whales in a trench coat who can't stop giggling as they try and sneak into yacht club
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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Ah yes, the being two things phenomenon
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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Yes I copy/pasted a tweet of mine from years ago and brought it here. What of it
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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Dream cast for the next Knives Out: Jennifer Coolidge Aubrey Plaza Nathan Lane Fozzie Bear (no one notices or cares he's a Muppet) Donald Glover Cate Blanchette Amber Riley Josh Groban (the one who gets murdered) Viola Davis Robin Wright Martin Mull John Michael Higgins
1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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the Mountain Goats
@themountaingoats.bsky.social
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the fatigue Paul McCartney must experience having to avoid using the word “yesterday” in conversation and all informal correspondence
22 replies 41 reposts 441 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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Just like the changing of the seasons, it is now the time to mercilessly insult Bill Maher for every aspect of his personality.
0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes
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Eize Basa
@eizebasa.bsky.social
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ME: Can you just run through the rules again? JIGSAW: For the love of... Okay: if the bear trap is triggered this vial of acid will- ME: What's the barbed wire for? JIGSAW: I'm getting to that! If the acid is released- ME: How about we just started playing and I'll figure it out?
3 replies 16 reposts 61 likes
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Fart To Table
@farttotable.bsky.social
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I get no respect I tell ya! I say Stop The Steal and she tells me, "Stop the Steal, how about skip a meal!" No respect!
0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes
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Jason O. Gilbert
@gilbertjasono.bsky.social
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Whenever we find out another SCOTUS Justice is an Election Denier the Oompa Loompas should come out and sing a little judgmental song
18 replies 346 reposts 1515 likes