Tim Onion's avatar

Tim Onion

@bencollins.bsky.social

72537 followers 1407 following 2710 posts

American businessman.

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

My mixtape? Of course, hold on.

1 replies 0 reposts 15 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

Also not everything is "dementia." A bad speaker getting worse and only being able to work like 6 hours a day isn't necessarily dementia. It's being old as hell and losing a step, which is maybe reason enough to dump him, but it's not necessarily dementia. Dementia is fucking brutal and specific.

12 replies 23 reposts 257 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

Recent metaphysical keg party

3 replies 0 reposts 8 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

Excuse me, untapped is a word but untap isn’t? How am I supposed to fix this problem I have here with all of this jarred potential I have lying around. Unjar isn’t a word either.

39 replies 6 reposts 159 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

Yep!

2 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

It's absolutely a choice. That's also Susan Collins.

4 replies 1 reposts 59 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

This is a fantastic idea and I have to stop reading these art show listings for lunatics in a city where I no longer live.

3 replies 1 reposts 83 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

Reposted by Tim Onion

Anil Dash's avatar Anil Dash @anildash.com
[ View ]

I need to write the whole piece about this, but the thing to understand is that the NYT is now just Facebook. The platform dictates narrative to normies, is totally gamed by the right, and is still so ubiquitous as to be unavoidable even by those who see how broken it is. It's just Facebook.

63 replies 905 reposts 3035 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

I'm gonna call him Mr. Michael Jackson.

4 replies 0 reposts 156 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

Michael Tae Sweeney's avatar Michael Tae Sweeney @mtsw.bsky.social
[ View ]

Very Serious People can't resolve the cognitive dissonance involved in the knowledge that Trump was involved with Epstein's pedo ring and so pretend its a conspiracy theory or didn't happen. Trump inexplicably gave the guy who let Epstein skate a cabinet post! All out in the open!

8 replies 78 reposts 448 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

Feel like I’ve accidentally washed ashore on an island with one of those uncontacted tribes that no one has seen in centuries. You guys can keep your wares, please just leave my raft alone, I have no commerce with you, nor you I.

7 replies 0 reposts 58 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

I want to make it clear: I have no idea who any of you are.

9 replies 2 reposts 109 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

"The Bernie Bros and K-Hive appear to be forming an alliance," I say at the 4th of July cookout. An anvil falls out of the sky directly onto my person, killing me instantly. God appears through the clouds. "I did that," he says. Family and friends applaud politely.

38 replies 272 reposts 2172 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

Your Internet Friend Tom Tomorrow's avatar Your Internet Friend Tom Tomorrow @tomtomorrow.bsky.social
[ View ]

fuck man, I don't even know what to say anymore. One political party wants to burn everything to the ground and institute theocratic, kleptocratic autocracy. I think this is bad, just one man's opinion.

21 replies 147 reposts 1261 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

Elad Nehorai's avatar Elad Nehorai @eladn.bsky.social
[ View ]

Yep. One of the biggest blind spots people have is assuming that underneath, others share the same basic values as them. They have trouble imagining an ideology that is completely misaligned with theirs.

31 replies 576 reposts 2031 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

I love this guy's posture. He always looks like he's in the front row of an airplane where the roof just flew off.

54 replies 64 reposts 846 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

Phil Lewis's avatar Phil Lewis @phillewis.bsky.social
[ View ]

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. (AP) — Google falling short of important climate target, cites electricity needs of AI.

54 replies 97 reposts 387 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

Should I ruin my relationships and buy Balatro?

30 replies 1 reposts 154 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

The famous conservative position of "Kamala would wipe the floor with Trump at this point."

5 replies 1 reposts 50 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

I think we've established this: Bill Maher is not a human being.

9 replies 2 reposts 113 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

I'm in favor of not dying in a gulag because DOJ Special Constabulary JD Vance doesn't think I expressed enough fealty to our beautiful president.

2 replies 13 reposts 132 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

I'm not saying you're inventing a guy here, but type "Kamala" into this app. I don't see people calling for contested conventions, even among the left. I see people calling for his handpicked VP because they realize what's at stake and that there's no time.

3 replies 0 reposts 20 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

Part of this is that the president isn't going to quit on the week of the 4th of July. There's no reality where that happens. They accidentally bought themselves some time with the timing of the debate, wholly by mistake. We'll see where we're at by Monday.

2 replies 0 reposts 19 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

I actually don't think anybody is screaming for that, I think that's just cope. People want Harris because they want a living person to beat back against fascism. I don't think that's a crazy ask.

6 replies 0 reposts 70 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

I'm once again going to give the speech that anything's possible if you just call anyone you've ever met who may know a guy who knows a guy with the same feelings about a place as you have, but who also happens to have human money.

1 replies 0 reposts 38 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

National Politician Don't Kill a Dog Challenge

42 replies 100 reposts 596 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

Joe Biden is a second apron team, unfortunately his hands are tied and he can't do anything. *other second apron team signs LeBron James*

2 replies 0 reposts 16 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

Finding solace in reading about NBA free agency, where the rules are considerably more defined and enforced than American criminal law.

11 replies 59 reposts 524 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

Josh Gondelman's avatar Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman.bsky.social
[ View ]

I can’t believe the Supreme Court just ruled that the president can sleep outdoors in a public space.

38 replies 1184 reposts 4594 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

b-boy bouiebaisse's avatar b-boy bouiebaisse @jbouie.bsky.social
[ View ]

all of this for donald fucking trump of all people

92 replies 478 reposts 3063 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

CBS Special Report about the SCOTUS ruling had a hard out directly into The Price Is Right intro which got me good.

7 replies 53 reposts 526 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

Adam Bonin's avatar Adam Bonin @adambonin.bsky.social
[ View ]

Justice Sotomayor, in conclusion.

3 replies 145 reposts 482 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

900 or it’s time for someone capable. Tony Hawk or one of those 14 year olds from San Luis Obispo.

3 replies 0 reposts 26 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

It’s time for Joe Biden to drop IN… to this halfpipe.

16 replies 13 reposts 268 likes

Reposted by Tim Onion

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

"You're not going to believe the allegations about Dr. Disrespect." First of all, who's that? Second of all, yes I am.

11 replies 38 reposts 425 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

I laughed so hard a couple of weeks ago when my friend asked me "have you heard the rumors about Dr. Disrespect?" and I'm sorry but I thought a cancelation was built in there.

7 replies 2 reposts 202 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

As one of those, historically, we are not sending our best.

3 replies 0 reposts 37 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

Seems like he'd have a reliably lethal Samoan Drop.

1 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Tim Onion's avatar Tim Onion @bencollins.bsky.social
[ View ]

If he didn't recently have cancer, I think he'd be a very obvious Veep to Harris.

2 replies 0 reposts 3 likes