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Henry3000@henry3000.bsky.social |
273 followers 297 following 68 posts
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:stomx7hbhchx5wloshoesboz/lists/3kih3eplayt2o
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BrujoLocoโ ๏ธ๐ค๐บ
@patnspankme.bsky.social
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thereโs a little little bird that keeps coming onto my porch and it hunts around & every time I try to grab a pic it leaves. Today itโs pissed and I think cause I just swept off the porch
4 replies 23 reposts 46 likes
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Salty MacTavish
@saltymactavish.bsky.social
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Heads up โ thereโs a lone hubcap on the shoulder of the last curve at the bottom of Pine Hills if youโre missing one or looking for an objet dโart
0 replies 18 reposts 40 likes
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Salty MacTavish
@saltymactavish.bsky.social
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Weโre all gradually turning into that guy carrying a bundle of sticks on his back from that Led Zeppelin album cover
9 replies 41 reposts 120 likes
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Theciscokidder
@theciscokidder.bsky.social
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*jesus comes back* Me: I'm sorry but everyone is on clearance when they die, no returns. *shoves jesus into traffic*
0 replies 18 reposts 36 likes
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social
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The giddiest of highs, like when a songwriter discovers that quickly can rhyme with lickety-splitly.
2 replies 28 reposts 43 likes
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Sweetie ฯ
@sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
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Me, mumbling from a mouth full of powdered donuts: sorry for your loss
12 replies 49 reposts 155 likes
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Wizard O'Awes
@awescar.bsky.social
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I only get the finest meth, from the Meth Country Region of Missouri.
1 replies 4 reposts 9 likes
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Pot Shop Boy
@potshopboy.bsky.social
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I don't understand anything you post. It's hot, keep it up.
4 replies 24 reposts 50 likes
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Normal Pru
@prufrockluvsong.bsky.social
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Me: *opens my front door* Mosquitoes: *tie little bibs around their necks and get out the barbecue sauce*
0 replies 30 reposts 101 likes
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andy van slyke
@im-all-id.bsky.social
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Looking for love in all the wrong places (the Jon Bon Jovi rest stop)
3 replies 20 reposts 54 likes
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๐ฑ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐
@unfitz.bsky.social
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Him: The first cut is the deepest. Me: Be honestโฆis this your first surgery, doc?
2 replies 25 reposts 59 likes
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๐ฑ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐
@unfitz.bsky.social
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My rainy day fund disappeared approximately seven flash floods ago.
0 replies 29 reposts 63 likes
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lalalyds
@lalalyds.bsky.social
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A glove compartment full of travel brochures
2 replies 21 reposts 32 likes
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social
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This day in history. 1972. The first leap second was added to all atomic clocks giving me extra quality time to work on my LEGO Sea-Monkey City.
0 replies 22 reposts 42 likes
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Tusk Jenkins
@tuskjenkins.bsky.social
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Kissed a robot and gave it receiving signals from outer space but I swear I tested negative on my last being a batshit outcast
2 replies 40 reposts 45 likes
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Uncle Kermit
@unclekermit.bsky.social
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Nobody puts baby on double secret probation.
0 replies 6 reposts 9 likes
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Jake_Vig
@jakevig.bsky.social
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If you are in a conversation and it is very boring, just say you never saw The Godfather.
7 replies 19 reposts 71 likes
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Avogadro's House of Blues
@plasticsoup.bsky.social
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I still find it hard to believe that in the 80s both Bruce Willis and Don Johnson recorded an album and people encouraged that behavior.
6 replies 10 reposts 33 likes
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Avogadro's House of Blues
@plasticsoup.bsky.social
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You have a special place in my heart. I think they call it the left ventricle.
0 replies 13 reposts 21 likes
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sliceofhell.com
@sliceofhell.bsky.social
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Purchasing a questionable used car from a man in a very large hat and I think thatโs his whole thing is that he confounds you with the hat
3 replies 5 reposts 14 likes
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Fransplaining
@fransplaining.bsky.social
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One of my neighbors wants to be friends with everyone in the neighborhood and that is what terrifies me.
0 replies 2 reposts 8 likes
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Fransplaining
@fransplaining.bsky.social
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Neighbor: Pretty dry out. I donโt think you are allowed to have a fire Me: Narc
0 replies 2 reposts 3 likes
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Eric Replatformed
@21stcenturyeric.bsky.social
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The good news is I don't have anybody to make them with. The bad news is that I am in the mood to make some horrible decisions.
0 replies 10 reposts 15 likes
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Henry3000
@henry3000.bsky.social
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I'm not going to argue with you about what happened in the past. I'm so old that historians refer to me as a "primary source".
0 replies 9 reposts 31 likes
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SpatialKimtamine
@kimmalien.bsky.social
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Sorry for not waving back to you earlier, I thought you were part of a hallucination
4 replies 47 reposts 124 likes
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minkitypinkity โค๏ธ
@minkitypinkity.bsky.social
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my drug of choice is mashed potatoes
10 replies 44 reposts 114 likes
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Scott With Silent T
@silenttscott.bsky.social
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I am declaring that each of my jokes has spawned their own cinematic universes. All the universes will connect in an obscure way, but you should never expect to know how they do. Youโll wonโt get any clarity on it.
0 replies 2 reposts 8 likes
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andy van slyke
@im-all-id.bsky.social
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Thank god this phone case is military grade now I can finally enlist
3 replies 42 reposts 137 likes
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Marc
@runoldman.bsky.social
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A social media post so confusing you turn your radio down to read it.
7 replies 92 reposts 260 likes
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BrujoLocoโ ๏ธ๐ค๐บ
@patnspankme.bsky.social
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that feeling when you talked all evening with that special someone and turn to look at them and no one is there it didnโt count
1 replies 38 reposts 79 likes
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MF FairyPrincessSmoo
@smooheed.bsky.social
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Iโm naked Heโs afraid - a memoir
3 replies 47 reposts 105 likes
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๐
ฟ๏ธrofessor Kiosk ๐
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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The path of evil and I are in an on-again, off-again relationship
2 replies 27 reposts 49 likes
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Idle
@hatesnicethings.bsky.social
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Donโt be a stick in the mud. Be the mud.
0 replies 4 reposts 7 likes
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Normal Pru
@prufrockluvsong.bsky.social
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I would prob let Hootie into my house but he better not bring any damn blowfish
6 replies 25 reposts 83 likes
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Shade 5
@shade5.bsky.social
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Thanks for the follow back! You're going to love the coffee table book I made using your media.
0 replies 22 reposts 41 likes
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social
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This day in history. 1996. The Montana Freemen, an anti-government Christian militia, surrendered following an 81 day standoff with the FBI when their supply of Just for Men Beard Gel ran out.
0 replies 26 reposts 64 likes
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social
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This day in history. 1954. US president Eisenhower signed a bill which added the words "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance since the US constitution is just a suggestion.
2 replies 35 reposts 88 likes
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Minister of Loneliness
@steamymac.bsky.social
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Raw-dogging life should be considered an extreme sport.
0 replies 19 reposts 31 likes
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Minister of Loneliness
@steamymac.bsky.social
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Stop watching the news and start listening to music. I cannot stress enough how fucking amazing this is for your mental health.
26 replies 105 reposts 321 likes
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Salty MacTavish
@saltymactavish.bsky.social
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Sometimes all I need is the sound of a small plane on a Friday night to know that someoneโs going somewhere
1 replies 21 reposts 47 likes
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Veruca's Alt
@verucas-alt.bsky.social
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It's a beautiful day to go to the beach* *stay inside and clean
2 replies 7 reposts 38 likes
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Wolfe Van Mural
@guytheguy.bsky.social
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Fathers Dayโs tomorrow and if my kids havenโt picked up on all the hints Iโve dropped about wanting an amphibious vehicle by now idk what more I can do for them
2 replies 6 reposts 22 likes
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Jack Boot
@jackboot.bsky.social
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I've seen some of these Cybertruck prototypes driving around. When are they going to start making the real ones?
1 replies 9 reposts 81 likes
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BrujoLocoโ ๏ธ๐ค๐บ
@patnspankme.bsky.social
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save your comments of underwhelment I get my fill daily from my teenager tyvm๐
0 replies 20 reposts 36 likes
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Jules
@julesk.me
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โToday me will live in the moment, unless itโs unpleasant, in which case me will eat a cookie.โ - Cookie Monster
1 replies 10 reposts 48 likes
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Rev. Dr. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof
@2tickytacky.bsky.social
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Now, a message from Rev. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof: Looking for quick debt relief? Come to Vodka Shot Bingo 7p to floor. Win prizes like TV's, jewelry, gaming systems and much more! Privately sell your winnings for $$$! God bless.
0 replies 22 reposts 32 likes
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Tusk Jenkins
@tuskjenkins.bsky.social
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Voyeur sounds like a space probe searching ever further for a planet that goes in and out of its own rings
0 replies 29 reposts 36 likes
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๐ฑ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐
@unfitz.bsky.social
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Sorry I used all those commas but I wanted to make you breathe funny while reading my posts.
4 replies 41 reposts 106 likes
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๐ฑ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐
@unfitz.bsky.social
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At first glance, she struck me as someone who would strike me.
4 replies 47 reposts 147 likes
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Kip Conlon
@kipconlon.bsky.social
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At my age, when I mention my โkinks,โ chances are I'm talking about my strange sexual proclivities!
1 replies 7 reposts 14 likes