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i am carbs
@iamcarbs.bsky.social
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aww rest in power mr. bubz
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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i am carbs@iamcarbs.bsky.social |
424 followers 350 following 152 posts
back on this bread again
my skeets:
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaafhk2y3vewe
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i am carbs
@iamcarbs.bsky.social
[ View ] |
aww rest in power mr. bubz
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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i am carbs
@iamcarbs.bsky.social
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watch this cats get so stupid when you shine a laser poi and then my thoughts trail off as the fireworks show begins and i stare at the sky for a good twenty five minutes
1 replies 10 reposts 24 likes
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i am carbs
@iamcarbs.bsky.social
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taking my dog to see the fireworks on our way home from the vacuum cleaner convention
3 replies 42 reposts 161 likes
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Leif Malone
@thetroops.bsky.social
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One Primus song on the party playlist: funny Six Primus songs on the party playlist: concerning 30 Primus songs on the party playlist: funny again
9 replies 29 reposts 195 likes
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Tusk Jenkins
@tuskjenkins.bsky.social
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A tablecloth of turtles that scatter as you approach, leaving the dinnerware undisturbed. This is the shell game of the bog repertoire.
1 replies 36 reposts 56 likes
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Saeg Flowers
@onebeanburrito.bsky.social
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cerberus hot dogs
2 replies 16 reposts 28 likes
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Jason, ex Inferis
@benedictsred.bsky.social
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Convinced that no one will ever love me based on my rudimentary understanding of how a compass works
8 replies 48 reposts 129 likes
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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺
@patnspankme.bsky.social
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a couple hours at a good pinball machine would fix me
8 replies 55 reposts 114 likes
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Rev. Dr. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof
@2tickytacky.bsky.social
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Earlier we were arguing about which uncle liked them smothered and chunked. It was either the one who ended up in traction trying to put his pants on over his shoes or the one who accidentally walked in front of a train.
3 replies 28 reposts 40 likes
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CC
@ccruns.bsky.social
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Is it too late to give ourselves back to England
5 replies 9 reposts 44 likes
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Auntie Social
@auntiesocial.bsky.social
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It's independence day, which means all supreme court justices are 17.76% off! Buy yours today!
1 replies 20 reposts 55 likes
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Ennui Doofen
@ennuidoofen.bsky.social
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men's soap? is using a forest scented soap gonna burn my tits off or what
37 replies 87 reposts 296 likes
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Katie Didn’t
@porkchophair.bsky.social
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If I arrive at your party and you ask me to help cut up the pineapple, I’m mad at you.
3 replies 21 reposts 57 likes
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chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
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Raccoons got in the office last night. They found Cindy's ketchup packets, did a number on Evan's desk, and everywhere there is carnage. Still, there is no doubt now that they can work wonders with a spreadsheet. The company's been threatening a restructure. We can all be replaced.
1 replies 36 reposts 113 likes
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Tusk Jenkins
@tuskjenkins.bsky.social
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Anemone, as you know, means too many little hugs in a friendship is sneaky and carnivorous
5 replies 34 reposts 53 likes
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Cap’n Watsisname
@capnwatsisname.bsky.social
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Love your initiative, Timmy, but we don’t have time for hot dogs from scratch
0 replies 31 reposts 59 likes
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Cap’n Watsisname
@capnwatsisname.bsky.social
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Don’t worry, everyone gets a hot dog. If the store is open. Half a hot dog, minimum.
0 replies 12 reposts 21 likes
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑
@unfitz.bsky.social
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Sonic Youth is their children’s menu, right?
4 replies 48 reposts 101 likes
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Memento Morty 🌙
@mortythenurse.bsky.social
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RIP Founding Fathers you would've loved hawk tuah
6 replies 5 reposts 54 likes
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PAM!
@pamtoo.bsky.social
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Really in the zone today. THE POTATO SALAD ZONE.
6 replies 23 reposts 63 likes
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d.ly
@dly.bsky.social
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happy birthday, Bruce Springsteen
3 replies 49 reposts 165 likes
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Jason, ex Inferis
@benedictsred.bsky.social
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Nice stars, bro. Spangle ‘em yourself
3 replies 56 reposts 180 likes
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Cap’n Watsisname
@capnwatsisname.bsky.social
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How I Love Music is GOODBYE YELLOW BRICK ROAD IS THE GREATEST SONG IN THE WORLD FOLLOWED BY EVERY COVER OF YELLOW BRICK ROAD AND THEN NOTHING or I Never Loved A Man and this cover of Heart Shaped Box but I ONLY LISTEN TO PRINCE BUSTER omg I’ve never heard this have you heard this you have to hear th
6 replies 17 reposts 29 likes
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i am carbs
@iamcarbs.bsky.social
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on road trips i listen to artists who match the vibe of where i'm traveling so in new york it's billy joel and in new jersey it's springsteen and down south it's matthew mcconaughey blowing into an empty milk jug while dragging his nuts against a washboard even tho i really can't stand country music
0 replies 12 reposts 21 likes
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Tusk Jenkins
@tuskjenkins.bsky.social
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I just need autotune for screaming so the call in therapy radio show boppers take me popularly
0 replies 32 reposts 48 likes
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chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
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Books go bad if you leave them out on the counter unfinished for too long. You could end up with listeria, salmonella, some sort of giant worms on the brain. Better to stay up until 4 am and finish the things, really. You are an adult now, with responsibilities to uphold and an example to set.
9 replies 131 reposts 576 likes
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Thurlinda found out...
@tickystacky.bsky.social
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Did I tell you about the alligator that escaped from a petting zoo and was found pacing in front of a 7-Eleven? Anyway, my dad put in a heated toilet seat and didn't come out of the bathroom until my brother Brian left for college. I found out normal toilets seats are uncomfortable for a reason.
0 replies 16 reposts 23 likes
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Normal Pru
@prufrockluvsong.bsky.social
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ME: *eating a cookie* today's my cheat day OLD HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER *appears behind me*: no
1 replies 25 reposts 59 likes
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Minister of Loneliness
@steamymac.bsky.social
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Might drop some acid and go hit on the sad-eyed waitress at Denny’s again.
6 replies 41 reposts 106 likes
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Ennui Doofen
@ennuidoofen.bsky.social
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This is a notice that the price of your premium subscription will go up until we own all your stuff lol
6 replies 70 reposts 244 likes
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
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I missed my work out today and I’m going to guess I’m pretty close to the world record of consecutive days missing my work out about now.
1 replies 16 reposts 36 likes
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SpatialKimtamine
@kimmalien.bsky.social
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People talk about wet dreams but nobody talks about wet nightmares
15 replies 47 reposts 160 likes
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Haiku Platypus
@haikuplatypus.bsky.social
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In the asteroid's shadow, This is taking way longer than I'd thought.
0 replies 23 reposts 44 likes
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Saeg Flowers
@onebeanburrito.bsky.social
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step to the beat, twirl the beat, wrap yourself in the beat and give it a dip
0 replies 10 reposts 15 likes
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Christina, mother of spiders
@aikiwomannc.bsky.social
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My ASMR channel would be the sound of me tripping over things, bumping into doorframes, and spilling stuff. Then, *lips on mic* "fuckity fuck fuck fuck"!
0 replies 17 reposts 31 likes
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Katie Didn’t
@porkchophair.bsky.social
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Being buried or cremated is fine, but we need more options. Turn me into a bucket of chum for sharks. Mix me with fertilizer for a field of cannabis. I am a crouton! A scrunchie for your hair! The paper plate you just threw away!
21 replies 47 reposts 166 likes
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i am carbs
@iamcarbs.bsky.social
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mine is nabrodnutrammartundorban but racecar is cool too
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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i am carbs
@iamcarbs.bsky.social
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but lo and behold a friendly kraken lifts the sinking k to safety back aboard the kayak! yay
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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i am carbs
@iamcarbs.bsky.social
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not only is the word kayak a palindrome but it also looks exactly like two good friends paddling a kayak or maybe more like a train with wings i don't know i'm really high right now
3 replies 19 reposts 56 likes
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La Captain Oblivious
@whatthefoxy.bsky.social
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Sorry I ruined your joke by not getting it.
11 replies 62 reposts 182 likes
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Rev. Dr. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof
@2tickytacky.bsky.social
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Hug a pug? Snuggle a snort? Snuggle The Snort is a pug hugging program designed to snuggle the snorts out of pugnacious pugs at the verge of hyperventilation. Stop by the office and pick up a pack of snorts to snuggle. Hug a pug.
0 replies 29 reposts 48 likes
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Rev. Dr. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof
@2tickytacky.bsky.social
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Someone in the know told me the developer of the tear here to open package never tore there to open.
3 replies 27 reposts 38 likes
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Christina, mother of spiders
@aikiwomannc.bsky.social
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If you hold a Big Mac up to your ear you can hear the sound of an employee telling you the ice cream machine is broken.
2 replies 40 reposts 143 likes
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Rev. Dr. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof
@2tickytacky.bsky.social
[ View ] |
You're can commit a murder in a Planet Fitness and be immune from prosecution because it's a judgement free zone.
1 replies 43 reposts 79 likes
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andy van slyke
@im-all-id.bsky.social
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Today is the day we find out how many collagen gummies you can eat without shitting your pants
9 replies 30 reposts 89 likes
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Sweetie π
@sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
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“You can’t steal something that wants to be taken” I say, slipping a ham underneath my sundress
10 replies 61 reposts 213 likes
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Cap’n Watsisname
@capnwatsisname.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Everyone can tell my alphabet soup is authentic because it only spells things like ciao bella and Isabella Rossellini.
0 replies 41 reposts 115 likes
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Astr0z0mbreez
@astr0z0mbreez.bsky.social
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Every time a hornet or a wasp flies near me, I start flexing so they know what time it is.
1 replies 18 reposts 28 likes
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Fossilized Tree Resin
@jamberee13.bsky.social
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Do you love me, or do you just love the way I curse those who mean you harm, how I draw them out into the woods and let what lives there take its revenge?
4 replies 9 reposts 37 likes