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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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Murder, She Suggested
0 replies 5 reposts 15 likes
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Swim Jeans π@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social |
977 followers 251 following 444 posts
Pilot. Mancub. Liar. πΈπ€
avi by @frovo.bsky.social
π: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:bmvl67povgevf645aj6vfpje/feed/aaab5d3sxupgm
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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Murder, She Suggested
0 replies 5 reposts 15 likes
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Capβn Watsisname
@capnwatsisname.bsky.social
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Sure Iβll donate my body to science. I took a turn, letβs see what they can do with it.
1 replies 38 reposts 96 likes
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blank
@misterblank.bsky.social
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me: [slipping handful of minestrone in your pocket] keep this safe.
1 replies 14 reposts 41 likes
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andy van slyke
@im-all-id.bsky.social
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Asking AI how I can monetize pessimism
7 replies 37 reposts 87 likes
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ceej
@ceej.online
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buried with a spring loaded contraption that will launch my corpse fifteen yards should I ever be exhumed
8 replies 40 reposts 214 likes
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Capβn Watsisname
@capnwatsisname.bsky.social
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Who up waiting for their shirt to come out of the dryer at their senseiβs apartment
1 replies 24 reposts 48 likes
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Jason, ex Inferis
@benedictsred.bsky.social
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Looks like another week of βHanging in there.β I bet that cat would be proud of me
3 replies 56 reposts 184 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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MECHANIC: *presses finger to my lips* wait did you just call it a catβll lick it converter
1 replies 25 reposts 62 likes
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Tusk Jenkins
@tuskjenkins.bsky.social
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"You're never lonely playing amongst the atoms" thanks famous quote but I was even ignored by a single macro particle clique theory
1 replies 37 reposts 62 likes
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Splendid Hobo
@splendidhobo.bsky.social
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They have a little fence around the outdoor seating area so me and the one-eyed squirrel perform right in front of that
0 replies 12 reposts 25 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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Thank you! π
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Favskeet
@favskeet.bsky.social
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This post by @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social was so good, @corduroycheddar.bsky.social thought everyone should know! Go show them and their post some love!
1 replies 1 reposts 2 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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ME: ugh my leggings are way too tight for this JUDGE: *bangs gavel* will the defendant please get the hell off my shoulders
1 replies 7 reposts 15 likes
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Tusk Jenkins
@tuskjenkins.bsky.social
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Engaging the animal kingdom with a responsibility despite the temporary by shooting library card cotton candy darts
0 replies 25 reposts 33 likes
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Uncle Duke
@uncleduke1969.bsky.social
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"Pssst." "Shhh!" "Whatcha doing?" "Waiting." "For what?" "A cheetah." "I hear those are beautiful." "They sure are, fast too, now hush." "Can I wait with you?" "Only if you're quiet."
6 replies 81 reposts 384 likes
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Ennui Doofen
@ennuidoofen.bsky.social
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Docs ask how many concussions you had/when they happened and it's like c'mon all I know is that I got hit a lot in my memory spot
14 replies 76 reposts 199 likes
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andy van slyke
@im-all-id.bsky.social
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π΅ Girls just wanna create bots that'll argue tirelessly with inbred incels
0 replies 27 reposts 83 likes
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Jason, ex Inferis
@benedictsred.bsky.social
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HILF (homie Iβd like to flatter)
2 replies 57 reposts 122 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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π
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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Like a penis in a woodchipper so are the days of our lives
2 replies 12 reposts 30 likes
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π±πππ πππππ
@unfitz.bsky.social
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Please read this new report on OCD from my overthink tank.
1 replies 18 reposts 53 likes
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Capβn Watsisname
@capnwatsisname.bsky.social
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Ask a librarian. I did, and learned Iβve been using the word βbrandishingβ wrong all day and that I canβt come back without pants.
3 replies 36 reposts 93 likes
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Hi, itβs Abby. Yep.
@abbycohenwl.bsky.social
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Facebook friend: Life is fleeting and precious. You bring value to mine and I love you. Repost this or youβre dead to me
8 replies 22 reposts 91 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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Itβs how I give back
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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I did a thing
1 replies 2 reposts 14 likes
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Jason, ex Inferis
@benedictsred.bsky.social
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*most depressed Iβve ever been* Alexa, play Eye of the Tiger
5 replies 63 reposts 186 likes
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Jason, ex Inferis
@benedictsred.bsky.social
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Everything I know about myself tells me that I would have fallen for the Trojan Horse.
10 replies 73 reposts 238 likes
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Christina, mother of spiders
@aikiwomannc.bsky.social
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H.H. Holmes bouncy murder castle.
3 replies 27 reposts 54 likes
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Katie Didnβt
@porkchophair.bsky.social
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Of course I want to be remembered after I am gone. Just not for that time I said βpeanerβ instead of peanut butter.
9 replies 57 reposts 233 likes
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Uncle Duke
@uncleduke1969.bsky.social
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gonna marry the first girl that can do it if sheβll have me
1 replies 27 reposts 101 likes
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Little Greenis
@durtmchurtt.bsky.social
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Penis enhancement pills are based on junk science.
2 replies 13 reposts 32 likes
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@kattsdogma.bsky.social
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i miss my pre-pandemic life where i did nothing except miss my pre-pre-pandemic life where i also did nothing. what im saying is that i mostly do nothing & i miss that ;-(
1 replies 20 reposts 52 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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[sitting at a table] ANDY: gets up out of his chair ME: lol Λ’α΅α΄¬α΄Ία΄°ΚΈ
0 replies 1 reposts 6 likes
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Viktor Winetrout
@viktorwinetrout.bsky.social
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One of the worst ways to get stabbed is repeatedly
27 replies 189 reposts 1070 likes
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ceej
@ceej.online
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why would you ever log into a app called βdiscord.β thatβs just asking for trouble. youβll find me over on βeharmonyβ
3 replies 58 reposts 338 likes
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flappy π₯
@funflaps.bsky.social
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Doctor Who: We can go ANYWHERE in time and space! Also Doctor Who: Let's go to Wales again
31 replies 130 reposts 763 likes
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Katie Didnβt
@porkchophair.bsky.social
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What are you all doing with your baguettes? Are you dipping them in soups? Are you having sword fights without me?
9 replies 28 reposts 66 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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[speaking over cubicle to co-worker] sorry to disturb your morning ham Debbie but I noticed that your calendar is still showing 2023
0 replies 10 reposts 22 likes
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Ray
@sireviscerate.bsky.social
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*succumbing to injuries suffered from getting hit by a Smart car* please just tell everyone it was a regular car
6 replies 81 reposts 577 likes
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Uncle Duke
@uncleduke1969.bsky.social
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iβm sorry but vampire babies are just too fucking adorable
17 replies 160 reposts 673 likes
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Tusk Jenkins
@tuskjenkins.bsky.social
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When Gulliver traveled to a land where some citizens used moisturizer and an adjacent population never got dry skin to begin with I was like okay enough
2 replies 38 reposts 84 likes
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Ennui Doofen
@ennuidoofen.bsky.social
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a Starbucks ad just forced Here Comes the Hotstepper on me, and this is the sippy cup lid that broke the camel's back, so to speak
6 replies 56 reposts 130 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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Crying! In The Shower
0 replies 11 reposts 36 likes
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Swell guy
@lettuce.bsky.social
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Rubbed my belly and a belly genie came out??
2 replies 5 reposts 18 likes
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Stevevsninjas
@stevevsninjas.bsky.social
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me: * frantically trying to change the channel * ugh this show is the worst mirror:
1 replies 10 reposts 27 likes
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Jake_Vig
@jakevig.bsky.social
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Remember: people who respond to polls are people who answer their phones to an unknown number.
5 replies 27 reposts 93 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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Happy Fatherβs Day to the television that raised me
3 replies 11 reposts 49 likes
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Frovo
@frovo.bsky.social
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Scientist: we cannot survive in a world without bees Me: just turn the d around and call it a worlb Scientist: *removes glasses* my god that might just work
5 replies 22 reposts 117 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
[ View ] |
π€π
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Swim Jeans π
@shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
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at least one cubit
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes