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Rem.
@scooter235432.bsky.social
[ View ] |
There's just not enough people jumping from skyscrapers.
0 replies 3 reposts 5 likes
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DDastardly@mydmac.bsky.social |
282 followers 180 following 248 posts
No/nope/nix/nay
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:lide4pmipalr44al3prwz4hv/feed/aaaniuz2cpqlg
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Rem.
@scooter235432.bsky.social
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There's just not enough people jumping from skyscrapers.
0 replies 3 reposts 5 likes
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Sweetie π
@sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
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to anyone out there caring for their aging parents I see you and I give you all the forehead kisses
8 replies 34 reposts 115 likes
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DDastardly
@mydmac.bsky.social
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*walks into the club like DO YOU HAVE ANY GREY POUPON, MY GOOD MAN?
0 replies 10 reposts 21 likes
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alber
@captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ] |
reservoir dogs implies dam cats
6 replies 9 reposts 42 likes
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑
@unfitz.bsky.social
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Her: Your life just doesn’t seem to have a direction. Me: “Down” is a direction, Brenda.
1 replies 65 reposts 180 likes
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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY
@armyvet1972.bsky.social
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Life is like a box of chocolates. I can’t afford either fucking one.
0 replies 12 reposts 40 likes
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DDastardly
@mydmac.bsky.social
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Of course I’m going to my Clown College reunion. There’ll be 34 of us going in the same car.
0 replies 14 reposts 30 likes
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DDastardly
@mydmac.bsky.social
[ View ] |
*walks into the club like DO YOU HAVE ANY GREY POUPON, MY GOOD MAN?
0 replies 10 reposts 21 likes
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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺
@patnspankme.bsky.social
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sorry for making you think twice
5 replies 50 reposts 80 likes
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Shade 5
@shade5.bsky.social
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You don’t scare me. You’re not a rotisserie chicken from Walmart.
5 replies 43 reposts 100 likes
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Skip “Skippy” Skipperson
@yippyskippy.bsky.social
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You’d get your face back between her thighs if you knew what was good for you, buster!
0 replies 5 reposts 6 likes
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Skip “Skippy” Skipperson
@yippyskippy.bsky.social
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Live, Laugh, Lick It Before You Stick It
0 replies 3 reposts 5 likes
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Theciscokidder
@theciscokidder.bsky.social
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My wife mentioned that she needs to quit drinking coffee and the lizard part of my brain was 1st to weigh in with the thought, "More for Sméagol."
1 replies 47 reposts 333 likes
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Donkey Hotay
@donkee.bsky.social
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Couldn’t remember the name of my wife’s male ob/gyn so I called him a half husband
0 replies 3 reposts 4 likes
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Theciscokidder
@theciscokidder.bsky.social
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Having a shit day? Well here's a sunflower that just opened from my flower garden.
9 replies 59 reposts 281 likes
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Splendid Hobo
@splendidhobo.bsky.social
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[my sister giving directions to her house] "there's a squirrel climbing a big tree in the front yard"
3 replies 32 reposts 109 likes
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Sweetie π
@sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
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a block isn’t enough we need to duel with flaming swords
1 replies 31 reposts 68 likes
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Ash
@ashhull.bsky.social
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Those aren’t bruises, silly. That’s my tan circles from my Croc’s
1 replies 18 reposts 47 likes
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Pretty Good Mike
@prettygoodmike.bsky.social
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stop liking me for my posts and start liking me for my sweet moves
2 replies 17 reposts 39 likes
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Wicked Ho
@nicebutnot.bsky.social
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this is how my posts are written
37 replies 141 reposts 940 likes
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑
@unfitz.bsky.social
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Her: There is nothing you can’t ruin. Me: So you’re saying I’ve reached the height of my power?
1 replies 24 reposts 49 likes
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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺
@patnspankme.bsky.social
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I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone who abstained from posting pics of fireworks from the 4th. You all are the real heroes.
2 replies 28 reposts 92 likes
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Matty Cat 🐈⬛
@catcreature.bsky.social
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Excessive dopamine from too much screen time is screwing up our brains and slowly driving us all crazy, like the Romans with their lead pipes and drinking vessels. It's nice to feel part of something big and historic.
2 replies 18 reposts 53 likes
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DDastardly
@mydmac.bsky.social
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I seized a day once. It really wasn’t worth it.
5 replies 32 reposts 91 likes
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Wilbur72
@wilbur72.bsky.social
[ View ] |
My wife drives me to drink She works for Uber
0 replies 8 reposts 18 likes
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I learned the hard way not to take my good lute to a Renaissance fair.
5 replies 83 reposts 217 likes
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SethFromThe716
@sethfromthe716.bsky.social
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A guy I know got his leg broken in several places. I told him he should avoid those places.
0 replies 7 reposts 21 likes
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Pot Shop Boy
@potshopboy.bsky.social
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I don't mean to brag, but I've been on a downward spiral since I was 4 months old.
4 replies 53 reposts 130 likes
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DDastardly
@mydmac.bsky.social
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Cool, I’m going to watch it tonight.
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Corduroy Cheddar
@corduroycheddar.bsky.social
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The funniest thing about writing in a non-native language is that sometimes you have to look up the correct grammar rules for a silly post about buttholes
1 replies 6 reposts 18 likes
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Blue Heron Farm
@blueheronfarm.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Sammie wanted to sit in the hammock. But she does not understand the physics of hammock.
30 replies 85 reposts 753 likes
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futurejeffrey🙋🏻♂️
@lacroixboi.lol
[ View ] |
a cold La Croix would foix me
8 replies 27 reposts 82 likes
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futurejeffrey🙋🏻♂️
@lacroixboi.lol
[ View ] |
are you telling me all four of them are the King of Leon?
25 replies 42 reposts 157 likes
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Theciscokidder
@theciscokidder.bsky.social
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I couldn't remember the word dishwasher so I called it a wet oven.
17 replies 78 reposts 246 likes
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Jay
@jaycubed2k.bsky.social
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[To my dog in a baby voice] Who's my reason to live? Who's my reason to live?? Yesss!! Yes you're my reason to live!! [Dog going fuckin nuts]
0 replies 14 reposts 24 likes
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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺
@patnspankme.bsky.social
[ View ] |
how much for that doggy style in the window?
5 replies 36 reposts 72 likes
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DDastardly
@mydmac.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Never insert a Q tip into ear canal is a suggestion, just like don’t take medication with alcohol.
3 replies 7 reposts 32 likes
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mean things I say to myself
@meantomyself.bsky.social
[ View ] |
What I admire most about the owner of the orange Cybertruck is his commitment to never having sexual intercourse again
104 replies 145 reposts 1148 likes
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DDastardly
@mydmac.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Your Honor, do your worst. My mirror judges me every day.
0 replies 13 reposts 29 likes
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Dropped Mike
@rebrafsim.bsky.social
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me: [doing standup] you guys want to hear a sad little joke? from the back of the room: I’m hearing one right now! me: *sobbing* you promised you’d stay in the car, dad
2 replies 47 reposts 106 likes
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Sweetie π
@sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
[ View ] |
But, Your Honor, he was a sk8er boi
3 replies 35 reposts 83 likes
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I am not emotionally unavailable I’m trying to get my new scissors out of the package.
2 replies 62 reposts 112 likes
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑
@unfitz.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Her: [taking my photo] Try to look natural. Me:
1 replies 21 reposts 64 likes
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Ash
@ashhull.bsky.social
[ View ] |
As a matter of fact..your honor I fucked around and found out. Stop judging me.
0 replies 14 reposts 30 likes
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DDastardly
@mydmac.bsky.social
[ View ] |
How old am I? Everyone under 30 is a child to me.
1 replies 4 reposts 14 likes
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DDastardly
@mydmac.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Apparently AI can’t fire my boss, what the hell am I paying for then? Robot: I am here for support and assistance. If you are having issues with your employer, hire a hit man.
1 replies 3 reposts 7 likes
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DDastardly
@mydmac.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I remember who actually tweeted this.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Christina, mother of spiders
@aikiwomannc.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Earl didn't mind the long commute. He was finally an upper level demon and enjoyed the time alone with his thoughts.
1 replies 22 reposts 44 likes
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DDastardly
@mydmac.bsky.social
[ View ] |
How old am I? Everyone under 30 is a child to me.
1 replies 4 reposts 14 likes