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@kattsdogma.bsky.social
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is it conjugate her verbs it’s conjugate her verbs, isn’t it
2 replies 30 reposts 93 likes
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Frank Ray Whitehouse@wheeltod.bsky.social |
470 followers 291 following 114 posts
Rootless cosmopolitan
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@kattsdogma.bsky.social
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is it conjugate her verbs it’s conjugate her verbs, isn’t it
2 replies 30 reposts 93 likes
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Hi, it’s Abby. Yep.
@abbycohenwl.bsky.social
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Defendant: It's a banana in my pocket Judge: May I remind the defendant that he's under oath? Defendant (averting eyes): I'm glad to see you
3 replies 135 reposts 512 likes
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Brosephine Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
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*needs cheering up* *checks the news*
2 replies 24 reposts 39 likes
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Ennui Doofen
@ennuidoofen.bsky.social
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For every annoying comment, a puppy begins a life long smoking habit. Think about what you're doing
13 replies 60 reposts 259 likes
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑
@unfitz.bsky.social
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Ever walk into an antechamber and forget how pretentious some people can be?
0 replies 32 reposts 60 likes
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social
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I don’t talk to myself when I’m alone because I read the room.
0 replies 29 reposts 55 likes
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Rev. Dr. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof
@2tickytacky.bsky.social
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I'm suspending my presidential campaign until I find my car keys.
2 replies 56 reposts 107 likes
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Frank Ray Whitehouse
@wheeltod.bsky.social
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I always buy grapes when I’m grocery shopping, because even if I don’t want to eat grapes this week, in couple of months I might feel like eating a bunch of raisins.
0 replies 6 reposts 14 likes
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Hi, it’s Abby. Yep.
@abbycohenwl.bsky.social
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Looking for a new role where they appreciate what I bring to the job (imposter syndrome)
0 replies 30 reposts 129 likes
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Viktor Winetrout
@viktorwinetrout.bsky.social
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Sell me magic beans once, shame on you. Sell me magic beans twice, these beans better work this time
3 replies 55 reposts 275 likes
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Ali Garfinkel
@aligarchy.bsky.social
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nostalgic for the sweet old days when a presidential candidate could ruin his entire political career simply by looking a lil dopey in a big helmet
35 replies 127 reposts 1227 likes
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Viktor Winetrout
@viktorwinetrout.bsky.social
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and a dog that does karate
5 replies 91 reposts 434 likes
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Crockett Houghton
@crockettforreal.bsky.social
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If there was vomit on my sweater already from mom’s spaghetti I think I would just stay home. No rap battles for me tonight please, I am unwell.
8 replies 70 reposts 368 likes
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Brosephine Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
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When you’re the only atheist at Easter dinner
8 replies 42 reposts 257 likes
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Frank Ray Whitehouse
@wheeltod.bsky.social
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My Good Friday religious observance involves watching Empire Strikes Back since the freezing of Han Solo is symbolic of the crucifixion. Then of course on Easter Sunday, it’s time for Return of the Jedi to celebrate the resurrection.
0 replies 3 reposts 12 likes
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Frank Ray Whitehouse
@wheeltod.bsky.social
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Don’t you hate it when you’ve just decapitated your arch-enemy in a duel, but when you hold his head up by the hair to wave in front of your army, it’s facing the wrong way so they just see the back of his head but you have to look at the dumbass glassy-eyed slack-jawed face?
0 replies 4 reposts 8 likes
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Frank Ray Whitehouse
@wheeltod.bsky.social
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I like to confuse future archaeologists by burying human bones as if they're riding dinosaur skeletons into battle.
0 replies 13 reposts 36 likes
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lalalyds
@lalalyds.bsky.social
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Hey, I like how that gravy stain accentuates your eyes
1 replies 31 reposts 54 likes
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DC Pierson
@dcpierson.bsky.social
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Lieberman won’t hear your jokes, but Manchin and Sinema might, so keep it up
17 replies 356 reposts 1624 likes
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Ryan North
@ryannorth.ca
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I'm beginning to think that these menu options HAVEN'T recently changed, and what's more, that this call volume ISN'T actually higher than expected
21 replies 136 reposts 795 likes
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Toby
@tobestewart.bsky.social
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My wife says I’m too trusting. At least, he says he’s my wife
0 replies 23 reposts 50 likes
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born miserable
@bornmiserable.bsky.social
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ME: [making a snow angel] DETECTIVE: STOP COMPROMISING THE CRIME SCENE
3 replies 21 reposts 57 likes
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Normal Pru
@prufrockluvsong.bsky.social
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Hello minutiae my old friend, I've come to overthink again
2 replies 57 reposts 148 likes
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Frank Ray Whitehouse
@wheeltod.bsky.social
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I'm a strong proponent of alternative medicine: it's the last, and greatest hope we have of eradicating the gullibility gene from mankind.
0 replies 5 reposts 9 likes
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Minister of Loneliness
@steamymac.bsky.social
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*passes a meatball into your mouth while kissing
4 replies 47 reposts 100 likes
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Frank Ray Whitehouse
@wheeltod.bsky.social
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One day I’ll write a new joke But not today
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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Todd 'Papi' Carlos
@thetoddwilliams.bsky.social
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Kiss me, I'm {checks calendar} Irish
0 replies 11 reposts 25 likes
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dugglebutt
@dugglebutt.bsky.social
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It’s sort of funny how there is a famous person named Kate Upton and a famous person named Kate Middleton, but no famous person named Kate Downton? What are we even doing here?
1 replies 9 reposts 31 likes
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Frank Ray Whitehouse
@wheeltod.bsky.social
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Today I finally told my kids that St Patrick isn't real, and it's been me putting the snakes under their pillows all these years.
4 replies 84 reposts 355 likes
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Nate
@thenatewolf.bsky.social
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Romantic partners are so confusing, one day they say they love hummus and then the next day they say it’s a bad birthday present.
1 replies 18 reposts 72 likes
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Talia Lavin
@swordsjew.bsky.social
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so like did he kill someone or what
28 replies 21 reposts 233 likes
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Woodrow Peel 🆗🆒
@woodyluvscoffee.bsky.social
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In my day, we didn't get participation trophies. If you lost, your dad chucked cigarette butts at you while you ran alongside the station wagon and pretended to forget your name. And we liked it.
1 replies 14 reposts 47 likes
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batkaren
@batkaren.bsky.social
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My roller derby name would be Mary Lou Threaten.
4 replies 30 reposts 147 likes
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Frank Ray Whitehouse
@wheeltod.bsky.social
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Sad to see the great Eric Carmen passed away. I played a round of pre lunch golf with him one time back in the 1980s. Nice guy but I lost the match by 3 strokes only because my game was badly disrupted by the constant sound of his eyes rumbling loudly all along the fairway.
0 replies 1 reposts 4 likes
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Frovo
@frovo.bsky.social
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surgeon: *does surgery* pigeon: *does pigery*
8 replies 42 reposts 192 likes
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Mary Gillis
@marygillis.bsky.social
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New Dracula stories are always like "what if Dracula lived in the modern world?" and never like "what if Dracula lived in the modern world & has a big city career & goes back to his hometown to sell his castle to a big corp & falls in love with the village castle preservationist trying to save it?"
32 replies 125 reposts 770 likes
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Ygrene ✔️
@ygrene.bsky.social
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Earth is being swallowed by the Sun but the chaos and terror is suddenly interrupted by a single, pure email notification “Hey it looks like you are currently being or recently were Swallowed by the Sun!! Well we think that’s great so here’s 15% off of your next time of Being Swallowed by the Sun!!”
3 replies 13 reposts 41 likes
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Little Greenis
@durtmchurtt.bsky.social
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Marking the height of my boners on the door frame as I get older.
0 replies 10 reposts 19 likes
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Frank Ray Whitehouse
@wheeltod.bsky.social
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I took a blind date out clubbing on Saturday. We had so much fun, and had this amazing connection. Because it’s so rare I meet a girl who hates baby seals just as much as I do.
0 replies 8 reposts 15 likes
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Minister of Loneliness
@steamymac.bsky.social
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I really, really want this French lady on the news to spend a few hours saying terrible things to me.
3 replies 26 reposts 53 likes
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Brosephine Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
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I was just walking through my house and realized I’m wearing my dad’s shirt, his stopped watch, and his bathrobe—with a small jar of peanut butter resting in one of the pockets. So yeah, 2.5 years later, I’m doing great. I’ve completely moved on
7 replies 16 reposts 56 likes
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batkaren
@batkaren.bsky.social
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“And the award for loudest chasm goes to… HOWLING VOID!” HOWLING VOID: [howls] The camera pans to Shrieking Abyss, just fucking glaring.
9 replies 91 reposts 350 likes
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Jon Bois
@jonbois.bsky.social
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just started watching a show and it’s really good. you should definitely check out shows
58 replies 82 reposts 878 likes
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Frank Ray Whitehouse
@wheeltod.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Listen kids, we're all hurting now. And there’s nothing wrong with having a good cry But Grandpa was old & had a good life We all die one day whether it’s getting cancer, being hit by a car, a heart attack. Or a slick dad getting a little careless with his sweet new nunchucks
0 replies 6 reposts 22 likes
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d.ly
@dly.bsky.social
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head so good her Invisalign pops loose
2 replies 20 reposts 58 likes
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Brosephine Wires
@joparkerbear.bsky.social
[ View ] |
🎶 last Christmas, I loaned you my car, but the very next day, you gave it away… this year, to get my revenge, I’m blowing up your Tesla 🎶
3 replies 7 reposts 25 likes