|
Tim Onion@bencollins.bsky.social |
Nothing has confirmed to me that people on Twitter don't know how basic things work more than taking over a company. They think I walked in four business days ago and told a unionized writers room to drop everything and join the global infitada. In reality I'm trying to get them moved off of Cigna.
73 replies 105 reposts 1328 likes
|
Owen
@oweniverson.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Most people don't know how ANYTHING works. Not a day goes by where I'm not dumbstuck that the world functions at all.
1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Leah Shaffer
@leahshaffer.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Don't need global revolution but it does help to have to kwisatz haderach if you're gonna mess with Optum.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Matt Swift
@mswift.bsky.social
[ View ] |
My last company still had active product with a company they purchased three decades ago branding and info on it. Acquisitions/change of controls take a long, long, time.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
|
Re-Pete 🦆
@whyaduck.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Looking forward to the We Bought A Website movie starring Matt Damon as Ben.
1 replies 0 reposts 32 likes
|
Dann
@dannfuller.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Calculated Indifference. Gives No Aid
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
NutMeg
@casuallychaotic.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Nothing has confirmed to me that people on Twitter don't know how basic things work more than... several years of observed evidence.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Mike Gianella
@mikegianella.bsky.social
[ View ] |
that’s the same thing, basically
0 replies 0 reposts 16 likes
|
|
@rhlobbyist.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Just don’t move them to Kaiser…
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
|
brightshadow is living más 🔔
@brightshadow.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Ben can you get my company off of Cigna too, I fucking hate Cigna
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
@debrecenisrac46.bsky.social
[ View ] |
You could, like, ask them, to not make Moldavian fridge jokes
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
|
Kirsten from Patron Hunt
@mizkirsten.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Did you take over The Onion?
1 replies 0 reposts 5 likes
|
Cosmic Doomrock
@deathbymeteor.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Clearly they know nothing. A change like joining the global infitada would have to go through multiple departments and meetings and strategy sessions. Changing health insurance providers just requires dealing with the dregs of the Nine Hells. Much easier
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
|
Fawcks
@fawcks.bsky.social
[ View ] |
cigna balls
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
|
the only mikewilson in australia
@mikewilsoninoz.bsky.social
[ View ] |
a noble pursuit, that one.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Muppet for President
@lally.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Well the Onion was famously anti woke until last week
0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
|
Random Jeweler
@randomjeweler.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Good, cigna kinda sucks.
4 replies 0 reposts 53 likes
|
Nobody Ever
@frambley1.bsky.social
[ View ] |
What brand of sink did you haul into the lobby?
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
@paulito.bsky.social
[ View ] |
They saw nazis welcomed on Twitter almost immediately and became conditioned.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Particle Man
@beamdriver.bsky.social
[ View ] |
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Jonny Pants
@jonnypants.bsky.social
[ View ] |
release the OnionFiles!!!
1 replies 0 reposts 10 likes
|
the corgi from cowboy bebop
@realqrampage.bsky.social
[ View ] |
that’s the most honorable thing you can do! Ben, do you mind telling my CEO to get all of us off Cigna, too? thx in advance!
0 replies 0 reposts 13 likes
|
Try the Brie, it’s American Cheese Month!
@briansmith.pro
[ View ] |
Now think about all the people on that website (and this one) making bold declarations about things like the finer points of the scope of the president’s authority
1 replies 0 reposts 12 likes
|
Self-deprecating ghost
@soundwave187.bsky.social
[ View ] |
What do you expect from a site run by a 50 year old going on 15 that post pictures of dogs tea-bagging each other & all the users praise him for it while he tanks every company he touches to the red just do they can still go to 1980s high school without classes run on sentence?
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
|
Christopher D. Brown Ph.D.
@cdbrow1.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Being the boss like...
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Alex Merz
@merz.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Twitter brain drain
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Mitch Solomon
@mitchsolomon.bsky.social
[ View ] |
You mean there are many many thousands of men who live off the government they insist is infested by deep state commies and get their nutritional value from memes?
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
|
civ - 🇵🇸 🕎 ☮️ - end the genocide now
@uncivil.work
[ View ] |
Fuck Cigna ❤️
0 replies 0 reposts 12 likes
|
@zendarva.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Hank Scorpio VS the HMO board.
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
|
Jordan Hass
@jordanhass.com
[ View ] |
Ben, I know you probably shouldn't, but this is the apt time to just keep the parody. Show up with a sink but have it be a conga line with staff about how you're planning to "sink the company" and other parallels to Twitter, the X App!
0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
|
Lyndon Hood
@lyndonhood.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Wait is the onion woke now
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Nicholas Slayton
@nslayton.bsky.social
[ View ] |
One man's struggle to un-Spanfeller a business.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
|
Nicholas Slayton
@nslayton.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Someone somewhere: "big talk from a supposed disinformation reporter"
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Vishnu
@iamvishnurajan.bsky.social
[ View ] |
God bless you for helping to move them off of Cigna
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
|
Devin𓅃
@devin-eleven.bsky.social
[ View ] |
What are the good insurances at this point?
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
|
Melissa Williams
@melissa13mw.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Mid-year? Good luck!!🍀
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Melodramatic for the People
@bisonbison.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Hero’s work. Cigna sucks eggs.
1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
andy
@bugay.bsky.social
[ View ] |
i mean, you gotta do it like the guy they worship over there. gotta break stuff! pay everyone in dogecoin! sell weapons to the general public for $69,420! create a new Onion newspaper box that easily rusts!
0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
|
lowtax speedrun enjoyer
@rickywlmsbong.bsky.social
[ View ] |
cigna sucks ass from what i’ve heard so salute
0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes
|
Dance: 10⁻¹, Looks: 3
@andrew3000.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I'll have three infitadas pls
1 replies 0 reposts 15 likes
|
Dead Bat Designs
@deadbatdesigns.bsky.social
[ View ] |
You mean the fact that people blame Biden for a decision Trump's SCOTUS appointees handed down wasn't confirmation enough?
2 replies 1 reposts 3 likes
|
Accountabilabuddy
@accountabilabuddy.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Has anyone proposed an intifada against *Cigna*? I have a feeling that might get some traction.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
|
Jonathan
@jginsburg.bsky.social
[ View ] |
As a Cigna user please adopt me
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Don Drennon
@dondrennon.bsky.social
[ View ] |
*ululates*
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Roslyn Reid
@the-moonshadow.bsky.social
[ View ] |
😂
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Robin Marwick
@electricland.bsky.social
[ View ] |
You didn’t bring a sink?
1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
|
tomstpatrick
@tomstpatrick.bsky.social
[ View ] |
🤣
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
MGTOW4Me
@lestersuggs.bsky.social
[ View ] |
As an IT Project Manager specializing with Private Equity firms... I know the hurdles and the effort.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
|
Wren
@housewren.bsky.social
[ View ] |
That was a 4-door sedan, wasn't it? The Chrysler Infitada?
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
|
RXKASSHOLE
@jesuswelpd.bsky.social
[ View ] |
the global fritatta the global frazetta
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
crucialwax
@crucialwax.com
[ View ] |
I thought all you had to do was walk in with a sink.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Allison Hantschel
@athenae.bsky.social
[ View ] |
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Ben Leedom
@benleedom.bsky.social
[ View ] |
the revolution will not be on a high-deductible plan
0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
|
|
hdc
@hdcshah.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Thankless but necessary. You are doing your team a kindness. Cigna's claims department is outsourced to one of the deeper layers of hell.
2 replies 0 reposts 8 likes
|
Gavin Miller
@worriedaboutsatan.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I think you had us all at "people on Twitter don't know how basic things work", no need to elaborate further ;)
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
|
🇱🇷kwh🇺🇸
@kwh561.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I think you mean the global enchilada
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
road warrior hawk tuah
@bizzo.bsky.social
[ View ] |
More like "cigna balls"
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Q. H. Stone
@qhstone.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Announce that you're renaming the company to Xnion.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
Lovely cat lashes ♿ *chiari awareness*
@kitton.me
[ View ] |
In a few weeks they'll accuse you of being naive for wasting money on frivolities like bagel friday and a fully stocked snack fridge
1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
|
BRIDGE LIVWAT • random thought leader ™
@bridgelivwat.bsky.social
[ View ] |
yo. I don’t know what anything is
1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
|
Alex
@thatsrite.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Who are you going to switch to? Cigna is bad but OMG United Healthcare is worse...
2 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
|
Blanx, but National Champs
@senorblanxo.bsky.social
[ View ] |
It's easier to start and win the global intifada than change healthcare insurance.
2 replies 2 reposts 58 likes
|
nemo
@ind3fatigable.xyz
[ View ] |
Please get them off Cigna, it's trash. Godspeed
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
|
I Dissent Cha Cha
@rachacha.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Well can't they move off Cigna AND join the global infitada? I mean sometimes ya gotta walk & chew gum.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
|
מרדכי יצחק 🇺🇸🗽✡️🕎🥯HONEST LIBERAL
@bidenstanaccount.bsky.social
[ View ] |
s/Twitter/social media but yeah
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
|
jaker
@jaker9.bsky.social
[ View ] |
0 replies 0 reposts 8 likes
|
Twitter's Bobby Big Wheel
@kleinman.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Yeah I'm working on an HMO Hamas Managed Organization
1 replies 1 reposts 90 likes
|
Denise Railey 🌱
@sunnysocal.bsky.social
[ View ] |
😂 Well, the audacity.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
|
Buttadeus
@thewanderingjew.bsky.social
[ View ] |
they were already IN the global intifada
0 replies 0 reposts 22 likes
|
Orcish Law
@orcishlaw.bsky.social
[ View ] |
It'd probably be easier to join the intifada.
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
|
@nerdykris.bsky.social
[ View ] |
To be fair, that is how Musk handled it.
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
|
Richard Keppler 🦋
@richardkeppler.bsky.social
[ View ] |
God bless you. Cigna is the worst of the worst run by sociopaths up and down the management ladder. Ask me how I know.
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes