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Jason, ex Inferis
@benedictsred.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Gentlemen, it is with deepest regret I must inform you that I am straight up not having a good time
6 replies 85 reposts 290 likes
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Slouchy@slouchy.bsky.social |
268 followers 272 following 19 posts
Just another refugee from the weirder parts of twitter.
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Jason, ex Inferis
@benedictsred.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Gentlemen, it is with deepest regret I must inform you that I am straight up not having a good time
6 replies 85 reposts 290 likes
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Coach Rusty
@coachrusty.bsky.social
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Some of y’all are straight up coveting thy neighbor’s wife tbh
11 replies 25 reposts 80 likes
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Ennui Doofen
@ennuidoofen.bsky.social
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There should be a pill for the interim between the feeling of having a task you need to do that feels monumental and the feeling of having done it
8 replies 73 reposts 205 likes
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Mary Gillis
@marygillis.bsky.social
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The newest TikTok trend is Bombadiling, where a Gen-Zer will film themself being a merry fellow wearing a bright blue jacket and boots that are yellow.
18 replies 118 reposts 581 likes
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Viktor Winetrout
@viktorwinetrout.bsky.social
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Looking back at my life, I can’t help wondering how I got trapped in this shipping container
3 replies 27 reposts 158 likes
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Ygrene ✔️
@ygrene.bsky.social
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there should be a law that dentists have to disclose if they are that one dentist that disagrees with nine other dentists
3 replies 46 reposts 247 likes
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filth_waste
@filth-waste.bsky.social
[ View ] |
if i unfollow you and immediately refollow it wasn't a mistake i am renewing my vows
1 replies 26 reposts 107 likes
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blank
@misterblank.bsky.social
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always like to put food toward the outside of the microwave plate. let it go for a little ride.
0 replies 11 reposts 43 likes
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Cap’n Watsisname
@capnwatsisname.bsky.social
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I’d like to see this much effort put into knowing why we are awake
24 replies 130 reposts 627 likes
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minkitypinkity ❤️
@minkitypinkity.bsky.social
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my cat is a cryptid
0 replies 5 reposts 8 likes
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Boog
@boogtweets.bsky.social
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[taking a urine test] Me: well? Doctor: impressive, but it’s not for distance.
0 replies 7 reposts 25 likes
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donni saphire
@donni.bsky.social
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If I lived in a yellow submarine with all my friends, I would keep that info to myself
6 replies 48 reposts 284 likes
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Semiotic Stochastic the Kidney Failer🇵🇸
@mitdasein.bsky.social
[ View ] |
“Once in a Lifetime” is a hymn.
3 replies 4 reposts 6 likes
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Johnny Normality (Feral Mode)
@probgobl.in
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Some 42 year old DC social media consultant is going to post something like "Trumps not like us so retweet if you're going to step this way step this way to the polls" and we can't stop that. We don't have the technology. We need one of those goo kids from Minority Report and they're illegal now.
0 replies 6 reposts 26 likes
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Blue sky jerk
@rajandelman.bsky.social
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Happy anniversary to one of my favorite replies
1 replies 6 reposts 45 likes
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Ennui Doofen
@ennuidoofen.bsky.social
[ View ] |
my dog shakes his head in the middle of guests on my porch sending giant dog drool flying. They yell "eww!" and he gets so excited they're celebrating him he can't stop wagging his tail
14 replies 73 reposts 440 likes
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chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
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You can have high tea with the princes and queens or you can have low tea with the rats and the gnats, these are your only two choices.
2 replies 28 reposts 56 likes
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Sweetie π
@sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
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“I’m a malcontent creator” I say, making you cry
1 replies 41 reposts 73 likes
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Frovo
@frovo.bsky.social
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*gets last year's blown off fingers out of the attic*
0 replies 11 reposts 73 likes
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Dropped Mike
@rebrafsim.bsky.social
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[first therapy session] me: *sobbing* I don’t think I can do this patient: it’ll be okay
1 replies 102 reposts 579 likes
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Sweetie π
@sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
[ View ] |
A few days inside a lobster trap would fix me
4 replies 41 reposts 112 likes
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RM
@dorsalstream.bsky.social
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Dogs hate fireworks because, like all higher creatures, they detest war.
3 replies 80 reposts 475 likes
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Tusk Jenkins
@tuskjenkins.bsky.social
[ View ] |
A tablecloth of turtles that scatter as you approach, leaving the dinnerware undisturbed. This is the shell game of the bog repertoire.
1 replies 36 reposts 56 likes
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bacon popsicle 🫀
@gupton68.bsky.social
[ View ] |
me: one mixed emotions please, barkeep barkeep: I don’t know what that is me: you put all my hopes and dreams and happiness and sadness and loneliness and insecurities in the cocktail mixer and give it a good, hard shake barkeep: me: ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ʰᵒˡᵈ ᵐᵉ
1 replies 42 reposts 92 likes
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Ennui Doofen
@ennuidoofen.bsky.social
[ View ] |
When my day has come, I'm going down in a blaze of gluten
13 replies 96 reposts 269 likes
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Ennui Doofen
@ennuidoofen.bsky.social
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Sometimes I'm looking at you like I'm paying attention but I'm just thinking of this song from 1996 where a girl says "and that's all I want to do, roller skate"
4 replies 45 reposts 120 likes
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Fossilized Tree Resin
@jamberee13.bsky.social
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Would you still love me if I stood silent at the tree line, if you could tell I was waiting for something? Would you still love me if you dreamt of me always just out of reach, eyes sending a message that never arrives? If I was like a song you couldn’t remember the words to?
0 replies 2 reposts 14 likes
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Vanurtle
@vanurtle.bsky.social
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Would it be terribly wrong to catch wild hedgehogs, give them little wizard staffs and wizard hats and set them free again ? Asking for a friend
0 replies 4 reposts 5 likes
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Christina, mother of spiders
@aikiwomannc.bsky.social
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Earl didn't mind the long commute. He was finally an upper level demon and enjoyed the time alone with his thoughts.
1 replies 22 reposts 44 likes
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Micah
@rincewind.run
[ View ] |
I want everyone to think about what Trump will do with explicit absolute immunity from prosecution and the full power of the presidency of the United States of America those are the stakes in November, full stop
27 replies 418 reposts 1236 likes
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Woodrow Peel 🆗🆒
@woodyluvscoffee.bsky.social
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Supreme Court Week In Review •The President must be above the law in order to effectively run the country. •Chevron must be above the law in order to effectively run the country.
1 replies 13 reposts 55 likes
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Sweetie π
@sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
[ View ] |
depressed to discover I’m the executive producer of my own poor life choices
4 replies 47 reposts 114 likes
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Grimm
@grimmreality.bsky.social
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Take a moment today to pet a dog, say something nice to someone you love and make a solemn vow to do everything you are capable of to outlive and absolutely irrevocably fucking END the Supreme Court as currently constituted.
0 replies 3 reposts 6 likes
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Ennui Doofen
@ennuidoofen.bsky.social
[ View ] |
When I die I don't want anyone to talk about what killed me. Please list all the incredibly stupid things that I survived
12 replies 104 reposts 315 likes
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ceej
@ceej.online
[ View ] |
Sure, it's not all fun and games living in the Lands Between. There's all the monsters and dragons to contend with. Sometimes the Tarnished comes out of nowhere and whacks you over the head. But every time I die I'm right back in this chair eating the best goddamn stew I've ever had in my life
1 replies 19 reposts 94 likes
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Viktor Winetrout
@viktorwinetrout.bsky.social
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BREAKING: Supreme Court Legalizes Crime For Friend Who Does Crimes
4 replies 79 reposts 393 likes
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Coach Rusty
@coachrusty.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Wearing a sling but it’s not for my arm I’m carrying a rotisserie chicken in there
3 replies 30 reposts 69 likes
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Cap’n Watsisname
@capnwatsisname.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I changed the backup warning on my delivery truck to a voice that scream-whispers “excuse me please, pardon, excuse me…”
2 replies 41 reposts 102 likes
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Holly Brolightly
@hollyholightly.bsky.social
[ View ] |
pouring one out for the american experiment
2 replies 6 reposts 39 likes
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Ray
@sireviscerate.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Not really fair that doing my favorite thing (sleep) makes tomorrow happen faster.
0 replies 15 reposts 38 likes
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Uncle Jeff 🏳️🌈
@picklerudd.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I say let the cockroaches have it. They can't do worse
1 replies 10 reposts 31 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I was class president in elementary school—where’s my immunity?
2 replies 16 reposts 38 likes
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Jason, ex Inferis
@benedictsred.bsky.social
[ View ] |
My incredulous ass could never pull off role play. I’d be naked asking how long she’s been an astronaut
6 replies 55 reposts 162 likes
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Normal Pru
@prufrockluvsong.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Me: *opens my front door* Mosquitoes: *tie little bibs around their necks and get out the barbecue sauce*
0 replies 30 reposts 101 likes
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chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
[ View ] |
A constant stream of lemmings, hurling themselves over a cliff to the sound of a pan flute.
2 replies 30 reposts 57 likes
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Tusk Jenkins
@tuskjenkins.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Don't worry about the road, of course it winds around and around but you're on your little motor trend carousel of the year horsey aren't you.
1 replies 37 reposts 48 likes
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Jake_Vig
@jakevig.bsky.social
[ View ] |
If you ever meet me, please, no quick movements. My karate training will automatically take over.
3 replies 40 reposts 98 likes
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minkitypinkity ❤️
@minkitypinkity.bsky.social
[ View ] |
just once I wish it would rain hamburgers instead of men
10 replies 29 reposts 72 likes
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Christina, mother of spiders
@aikiwomannc.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Having long hair means the dust bunnies under the couch have hair extensions.
0 replies 23 reposts 64 likes
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Salty MacTavish
@saltymactavish.bsky.social
[ View ] |
To save time and be more productive, I often throw myself down the stairs
8 replies 45 reposts 114 likes