|
Jeremy C. Shipp (they/them)
@jeremycshipp.bsky.social
[ View ] |
The attic mannequins replaced my intestines with long Furbies again. They're quite the rascals.
0 replies 1 reposts 14 likes
|
|
5oclockeveryday@5oclockeveryday.bsky.social |
288 followers 633 following 101 posts
Hi! This is the space they gave me to write something WITTY and BRILLIANT so that you'll want to follow me, and if I had something, this is where I'd post it.
|
|
Jeremy C. Shipp (they/them)
@jeremycshipp.bsky.social
[ View ] |
The attic mannequins replaced my intestines with long Furbies again. They're quite the rascals.
0 replies 1 reposts 14 likes
|
Lostcatdog
@lostcatdog.bsky.social
[ View ] |
*prone on the couch for so long my eye starts migrating to the other side of my head like a flounder* oh what now
0 replies 6 reposts 18 likes
|
Todd 'Papi' Carlos
@thetoddwilliams.bsky.social
[ View ] |
ME: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step BOSS: Well? ME *sitting*: Well, what?
0 replies 4 reposts 8 likes
|
Fulkery, A Thing Within Stuff
@fulkery.bsky.social
[ View ] |
My heart beats for you. Like, maybe twice. The rest is for me because sort of essential to life, duh.
0 replies 10 reposts 20 likes
|
Chaotic Moon
@chaoticmoon.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Sitting criss-cross applesauce just off the forest path waiting for the fae to make off with me.
1 replies 5 reposts 16 likes
|
Frances Meh
@francesmeh.reviews
[ View ] |
things not costing the arbitrary amounts i’ve decided they should based on zero research will never not be fucking bullshit
3 replies 21 reposts 63 likes
|
Pinot Evil
@pinotevil.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Millennials urban dictionary everything… I come from a time when the thesaurus roamed the earth.
0 replies 14 reposts 25 likes
|
little lamb
@puddleofbrain.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Riding my bike in circles around the cemetery and thinking about the stock market
2 replies 4 reposts 33 likes
|
Sweetie π
@sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
[ View ] |
remaking Peanuts but instead of those weird little kids i’m using snails
11 replies 39 reposts 108 likes
|
Theciscokidder
@theciscokidder.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I can't see the florist for the bees fuck it send skeet.
0 replies 53 reposts 131 likes
|
luke
@coolhand.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I was just informed by a four year old that cold water is called “water” and hot water is called “water water” Sure, why not
17 replies 7 reposts 147 likes
|
Danny
@mardigroan.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Those birds near the ocean believe almost anything. They're quite gullible.
1 replies 11 reposts 28 likes
|
Normal Pru
@prufrockluvsong.bsky.social
[ View ] |
[cashier slapping the cool ranch chips out of my hand]: Oh no you don't, nerd
3 replies 29 reposts 87 likes
|
kim
@kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] |
maybe crabs walk sideways bc they’re self conscious of how their ass looks in that tight shell. we don’t know.
1 replies 7 reposts 33 likes
|
Toby
@tobestewart.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Some of the best posts are written by other people
0 replies 14 reposts 48 likes
|
|
5oclockeveryday
@5oclockeveryday.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Boss: I have a question I forgot to ask yesterday. Me: Aw, I'd've given an answer then. Today, I just have dumb looks and smartass replies.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
|
Dropped Mike
@rebrafsim.bsky.social
[ View ] |
one time I was walking in lower Manhattan and a guy stopped at a light asked me if I knew where Laight Street was and I said no and he said “well can you take a fucking guess” and I’ve been thinking about that ever since
6 replies 29 reposts 122 likes
|
donni saphire
@donni.bsky.social
[ View ] |
We lie quietly in the dark, glowing boxes in hand, scared and lonely yet entertained
0 replies 12 reposts 55 likes
|
Meet n F*** Kingdom, Steve
@itsphetz.bsky.social
[ View ] |
fired day 2 at Five Guys for saying “guess we’re Six Guys now” every time a customer came in also I stole
5 replies 57 reposts 362 likes
|
|
5oclockeveryday
@5oclockeveryday.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Waking at 5:30 am from a 12+ hour sleep after a sleepless night & day then 8 hours driving & 8 hours working feels like a factory reset.
0 replies 1 reposts 7 likes
|
KAFUI. 🇬🇭
@mykafuiohkafui.bsky.social
[ View ] |
when i get lonely or scared i just imagine a color that has never existed and never will
14 replies 28 reposts 183 likes
|
Boy Shop Pot
@potshopboy.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Do people experience kids before having their own, or?
3 replies 4 reposts 11 likes
|
Carole U.
@caroleu.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Yes, it IS hot enough for me. Thanks for asking.
0 replies 11 reposts 34 likes
|
|
5oclockeveryday
@5oclockeveryday.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Is there any greater betrayal felt than that of dogs offered celery when the rotisserie chicken bag is RIGHT THERE?
0 replies 7 reposts 17 likes
|
|
donni saphire
@donni.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I refuse to act in my own self interest, that’s for dorks
3 replies 20 reposts 81 likes
|
Seamus O'Flaugherty
@seamussaid.bsky.social
[ View ] |
putting the final touchés on this argument
1 replies 20 reposts 40 likes
|
Dan Cerinthedark
@etbeeegood.bsky.social
[ View ] |
every time you stop making sense David Byrne’s suit grows 2 sizes
11 replies 130 reposts 580 likes
|
🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Being calm is not the issue. Remaining calm is a different story.
0 replies 25 reposts 67 likes
|
d.ly
@dly.bsky.social
[ View ] |
HOW IT STARTED: [me, crying] HOW IT’S GOING: [me, crying and sweating]
8 replies 96 reposts 394 likes
|
Ash
@ashhull.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Just like my grandma used to tell me. Never poke bloated roadkill on a hot day.
4 replies 30 reposts 59 likes
|
Tamper Proof Lid
@readuction.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Cat is furious at me for my inconsiderate behavior (making it rain outside)
3 replies 8 reposts 31 likes
|
Catherine Cerveny
@catcerveny.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Sitting on my couch waiting for the AIs to throw in my next load of laundry instead of telling me how to get rid of nail fungus.
0 replies 2 reposts 4 likes
|
|
Danny
@mardigroan.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Jersey Mike, Tennessee Williams, and Indiana Jones walk into a bar.
8 replies 15 reposts 38 likes
|
PAM!
@pamtoo.bsky.social
[ View ] |
My kids are turning 30, The Timberlake boy is drunk driving, the world is Absolutely boiling in heat and turmoil. Let's have a tuna salad sandwich and calm the gosh darn mother fudge down, here.
5 replies 12 reposts 40 likes
|
Kip Conlon
@kipconlon.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Other than that, Carrie, how was the prom?
8 replies 95 reposts 541 likes
|
BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺
@patnspankme.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I was hoping they were finally coming to collect me but it was just a charley horse.
4 replies 44 reposts 76 likes
|
Marjorie James Keenan
@unenthusiast.com
[ View ] |
"like a batter-fried dowsing rod in human form"
0 replies 7 reposts 12 likes
|
Darius Whiteplume
@dariusw.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Siri how do I open a jfc file?
0 replies 11 reposts 21 likes
|
|
5oclockeveryday
@5oclockeveryday.bsky.social
[ View ] |
If by watchdog, you mean internal stomach-clocks, then yes, all 3 pups and the cat, too.
0 replies 5 reposts 10 likes
|
weeder
@weeder.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Not normally afraid of strong women but the way you ordered your Harvest Bowl triggered my fight or flight response
1 replies 8 reposts 29 likes
|
crimesididntcommit.🏳️⚧️ (miss congeniality)
@crimesididntcommit.bsky.social
[ View ] |
they’re chanting in dead tongues and getting a cauldron going out on my lawn but i don’t think it’s anything to be dramatic about
1 replies 9 reposts 26 likes
|
mave
@mave.bsky.social
[ View ] |
*solemnly places melting scoop of ice cream in your hand*
0 replies 14 reposts 38 likes
|
@sylviaplathtic.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Writing a strongly worded negative review of the opera because when I tried to crowd surf over the orchestra pit, not one of the woodwinds was prepared.
3 replies 25 reposts 41 likes
|
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑
@unfitz.bsky.social
[ View ] |
My time machine got stuck in reverse and now I live like there’s no tomorrow.
0 replies 63 reposts 119 likes
|
Michael Jay McClure
@mjmimages.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I know we have to talk about it because it’s important but honey I don’t want BlueSky to feel like a soul-crushing student council meeting every goddamn day. Good morning!
5 replies 6 reposts 61 likes
|
Thurlinda found out...
@tickystacky.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Did you know there are bugs living on your face 24/7?! Try looking at your face under a microscope sometime! Anyway, we've been moving out of our apartment and I tried locking my boyfriend in a storage unit but he made his way back like cats do. I found out our storage unit doesn't have a ceiling.
2 replies 29 reposts 79 likes
|
born miserable
@bornmiserable.bsky.social
[ View ] |
BILLY JOEL: working too hard can give you a heart att- CATHY GUISEWITE’S CATHY: [running out of her office] ACK! ACK! ACK! ACK! ACK!
7 replies 53 reposts 270 likes
|
Ygrene ✔️
@ygrene.bsky.social
[ View ] |
[arriving in hell] Satan: welco- Me: hit me with a plate of your eggs bro Satan: Me: (sprinkling motion) with the paprika
12 replies 215 reposts 1019 likes
|
Jimmer Cork-Bottle
@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I am not emotionally unavailable I’m trying to get my new scissors out of the package.
2 replies 62 reposts 112 likes