Mike Masnick @mmasnick.bsky.social

Okay, folks, who is putting together the list of the funniest crimes that Biden should be committing between now and election day to highlight the absurdity of today's immunity ruling? Not the stuff like assassinations. Just stuff to make a point.

251 replies 94 reposts 577 likes

Jenna Routenberg @jennaroutenberg.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:04 UTC

Defy a court order and cancel student debt

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

titusoates6 @titusoates6.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 08:54 UTC

Year the label off a blanket before he’s purchased it.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Dan @dandwiggins.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 15:03 UTC

Straight up: Disclose the tax forms (and any other available financial information) of EVERY elected or appointed official at the fed level. It's not biased. It's clearly in the country's best interest. The records are retained by the IRS, so anything to do with them is an act of the executive.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

@scotclose.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 11:16 UTC

Obviously he should be discussing with Kamala Harris how to make sure he wins the EC vote.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Matt Swift @mswift.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 09:53 UTC

Give every tax payor 10k/dependent. Just do it.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Dickardo O'Johnson @dickardo.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:22 UTC

He should sit on the White House lawn for the next 5 months and shine a laser pointer at planes.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Piratedan7 @piratedan7.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:15 UTC

he should illegally download a copy of Home Alone 2

1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

DBCII @dbcii.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:52 UTC

Break the Jones Act by getting off a cruise ship early.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Henning @radbrt.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 15:02 UTC

Project a Ukrainian flag on the capitol building.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Cait @caitesq.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:04 UTC

I want to see Biden use his motorcade to personally deliver mifepristone & misoprostol to women in Texas

1 replies 5 reposts 33 likes

Mark Shore @markshore.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:27 UTC

ordering the release of every tax return ever filed by current Supreme Court justices and their spouses ordering IRS audits of the same crowd-sourcing any undeclared sources of income or gifts ordering the DOJ to vigorously prosecute any hint of tax evasion or evidence of bribery revealed

2 replies 22 reposts 99 likes

Mark Shore @markshore.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:23 UTC

it's not a crime and it's probably legal (given the two absurd statutes in play) but getting around the debt ceiling by ordering the mint to coin a roll of $100B platinum coins the size of dimes and ordering the Treasury to accept them at face value

2 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

Brian Spears @briankspears.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:29 UTC

Unilaterally shrink the 5th Circuit to an abandoned oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico and nominate new judges to fill all the vacancies in the new 5.1th Circuit.

2 replies 6 reposts 115 likes

Business Time @businesstime.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:52 UTC

this one already took the cake IMO

0 replies 0 reposts 9 likes

cdpositive @cdpositive.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:46 UTC

Order the IRS to publish (in the Congressional Record, of course) the last 10 yrs tax returns of each right-wing justice as well as all their living relatives.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

OAKCDROM.SYS @xar.ph [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:28 UTC

Do this with the FBI files that have to exist on Thomas and Alito
youtu.be/7xlNc5inymo?...

0 replies 3 reposts 29 likes

Paul Hostetler @phostetlerart.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 15:40 UTC

“Road legal” be damned. The new Biden campaign bus is the Doof Wagon.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Jim Jimerson @jimjimerson.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:52 UTC

Disobey the court order requiring him to restart issuing gas permits.

www.pbs.org/newshour/pol...

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

ShinigamiDad "Designated Dingus" @marktspence.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 15:40 UTC

Force through a renaming of Reagan National Airport to Carter National Airport

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

@ddent42.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 22:31 UTC

Take out the ref from the USA-Paraguay game.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Adam (he/him) @adaminhfx.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 21:47 UTC

Making trumps (and other gop leaders) tax records and browser history public

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Allan, your robot dad @allanis.gay [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 21:32 UTC

Using a presidential address to illegally broadcast MLB games.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

AceBandage @acebandage.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 12:05 UTC

Release Shrekli's secret Wu-Tang album to the library of congress.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Grumpy Fish @jnsq.org [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 18:58 UTC

Have Clarence Thomas's RV hauled out to Aberdeen Proving Ground for live fire tests.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Opal @opalescentopal.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 12:42 UTC

IRS brings him ALL Trump's tax records; AG publishes them Secret Service stops paying rent for offices at Trump properties Seal Team Six constantly prowls around Mar-a-Lago without engaging Military blockade of SCOTUS on Oct 7 Covered with pardons all around, of course

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Jonathan Pierce @jonathanpierce.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:26 UTC

Renaming post offices without an act of congress.

4 replies 8 reposts 200 likes

PeoriaBummer @peoriabummer.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 12:25 UTC

Order NSA and CIA to record the Supreme Court proceedings and televise them.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Charles Bastille @charlesbastille.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 08:41 UTC

My standard answer: Transfer Steve Bannon to Gitmo. Assign him a cellmate there. Maybe two.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

threddy @threddyrex.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:08 UTC

googly eyes on T. rex fossils

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Malraux @malraux.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:22 UTC

Mint the coin(s). Pocket one of them.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

brightshadow is living más 🔔 @brightshadow.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:30 UTC

'On 7/3/2024, Biden intentionally ate some bad seafood and, as described by Justice Kavanaugh, "evacuated his bowels on my front porch, it was the most horrible thing I have ever experienced. He looked me directly in the eyes while he did it." This official act was covered by presidential immunity.'

0 replies 4 reposts 53 likes

The Loony Liberal - Writer / Content Creator @loonyliberal.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 17:19 UTC

Last one for now: "The Presidential 'How Do You Like 'Dem Pineapples?' Act of 2024: When a restaurant makes a pizza where pineapple is a topping, Elon musk will pay twice the menu price of the pizza or be immediately incarcerated."

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

The Loony Liberal - Writer / Content Creator @loonyliberal.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 17:17 UTC

"The Presidential Freedom of Masking Act of 2024: Any act, rule, or law that prohibits anyone on U.S. soil from wearing a face mask is illegal and unenforcable. Also, any citizen that wears an N95 mask for at least 90 days in 2024 receives a tax credit."

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Butch Rosser @colonizedeez.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:49 UTC

Drone strike Mar-A-Lago

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Isaac @isaac.hachyderm.io.ap.brid.gy [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:09 UTC

@mmasnick.bsky.social fund college debt erasure by selling unlicensed Smokey Bear merchandise on a personal website 🐻

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Isaac @isaac.hachyderm.io.ap.brid.gy [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:09 UTC

@mmasnick.bsky.social fund college debt erasure by selling unlicensed Smokey Bear merchandise on a personal website 🐻

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Gojira1000 @gojira1000.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:30 UTC

Ordering the military to cover Newark with 250,000 tons of marshmallow spread. Ordering the FBI to confiscate all burgers in every Wendy's nationwide and deliver them to the Oval Office. Having the Treasury Department start shifting gold reserves to his house.

0 replies 2 reposts 18 likes

Rocky N. Bullwinkle @lproulx.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:28 UTC

Wouldn't taxing billionnaires be considered a crime by this court?

1 replies 1 reposts 34 likes

Jon close @joeyclose.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:24 UTC

Banning fake tan.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Bob @bumbledan.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:35 UTC

Monthly yard sale on the National Mall where he sells the silver from the Capitol Hill lunchrooms and pockets the money.

0 replies 1 reposts 10 likes

Retro Des @retrodes.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:04 UTC

I’m not saying Biden should order the U.S. Navy Band to follow his political enemies around 24/7 wherever they go playing “Yakety Sax”. But I’m not saying he shouldn’t order the U.S. Navy Band to follow his political enemies around 24/7 wherever they go playing “Yakety Sax”.

0 replies 1 reposts 8 likes

TeeJay Ach @pragmaticleftist.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:51 UTC

Hunt on a Sunday in Connecticut.

portal.ct.gov/deep/hunting...

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

TeeJay Ach @pragmaticleftist.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:49 UTC

Project rainbows onto bridges in Florida.

0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

Doktor Zoom @doktorzoom.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 15:05 UTC

He should accept a foreign prince or potentate's gift of expensive moisturizing skin cream, thereby thumbing his nose at the Emollients Clause.

0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Sean Scott @oraclesean.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:04 UTC

Joe is coming for your guns, conservatives.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Sean Scott @oraclesean.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:49 UTC

Send every official from the last administration to Guantanamo. John Yoo can write a memo justifying it.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Sean Scott @oraclesean.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:37 UTC

Anything named after Ronald Reagan is immediately renamed for Jimmy Carter. Add Obama to Mount Rushmore.

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Sean Scott @oraclesean.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:13 UTC

Immediately nationalize all major social media platforms.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

@vraghuram.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 16:39 UTC

Could he have Mar-a-Lago declared a national wildlife refuge?

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Thomas Barrett 👨‍💻 @thomas.tmbarrett.xyz [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:44 UTC

Here is some inspiration!!!

0 replies 1 reposts 14 likes

Gavin Lux Enjoyer @luxenjoyer.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 16:46 UTC

Reverse all student loans by which I mean if you have 100k in debt now the loan company owes you 100k and must make payments.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

@kerrybostonfan42.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 23:00 UTC

Order IRS to audit the right wing members of SCOTUS and their families. Did Thomas pay taxes on all of the gifts he received? I doubt it. Then have Justice try them for tax evasion.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

@gh-sted.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:29 UTC

Order F-18s to circle mar-a-largo whilst super-sonic?

1 replies 1 reposts 50 likes

Quietly Curious 🇺🇦🇨🇦 🏝️ @quietlycurious.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 08:53 UTC

Walk into mar-a-lago and help himself to whatever catches his fancy. Punch trump in the face. Toss rocks to break windows at trump tower.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

william.maggos @wjmaggos.liberal.city.ap.brid.gy [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:28 UTC

@mmasnick.bsky.social

removing mattress tags.

2 replies 0 reposts 33 likes

Orbital Fail-Son Canon @nedgilmore.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:48 UTC

Can he deport a Supreme Court Justice?

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matthew Nadler @areaman65.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:13 UTC

Just lots of petty crimes. Littering. Not paying for the ice cream cone. launching illegal fireworks from the White House.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Sojourner Dusk @sojournerdusk.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:10 UTC

Quarantine and embargo everything below the 36°30′ North parallel, from North Carolina to New Mexico.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jorge Caballero @datadrivenmd.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:27 UTC

Unilaterally declare Taco Tuesday a national holiday every week

1 replies 4 reposts 104 likes

EqualToHeaven @equaltoheaven.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 14:34 UTC

Quarter troops in the justices’ houses.

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

Franklin D. Roosefella @roosefella.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:18 UTC

just so many bit torrents

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:17 UTC

Mitch McConnell atomic wedgie

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Charles Kinbote @charleskinbote.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:29 UTC

Joe Biden races Trump for pink slips over a quarter mile in the LA aqueduct

0 replies 1 reposts 38 likes

Formica Dinette @formicadinette.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:44 UTC

Replace the Secret Service officers assigned to Trump with hand-picked German Shepherds.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

mjfgates @mjfgates.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:32 UTC

He should take Harlan Crow's bank account and use the money to buy a mansion for Anita Hill.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

MB Brown @mbbrownsf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:16 UTC

Over on the hellsite, someone suggested at the next debate he should walk up to the lectern, reach under his jacket and pull out a Glock. Put it on the lectern while looking between Donald and the moderator.

0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

brockmeyer.bsky.social @brockmeyer.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:33 UTC

Do the trillion dollar platinum coin thing, and then use it to buy an ice cream cone

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

brockmeyer.bsky.social @brockmeyer.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:26 UTC

Activate the Emergency Broadcast System to roast Roberts

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Alder Cheems @aldercheems.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:33 UTC

Federalizing every national guard unit in red states.

0 replies 1 reposts 25 likes

Infamous Unknown @infamousunknown.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:11 UTC

Said it before but: Welcome to the Mar-A-Lago refugee processing center.

0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

Desiccated Cephalopod @codasquid.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:59 UTC

Go remove all the tags off unsold mattresses

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Crockett Houghton @crockettforreal.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 08:05 UTC

Just pirate a bunch of Disney films

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

ThorKatz @thorkatz.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 21:05 UTC

Gift federally protected alligators to the waters around Mar a Lago so they can rest on his golf course

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

ThorKatz @thorkatz.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 21:03 UTC

He should create dozens of new federal Holidays including Nov 5, 2024 (Election Day).

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Too Big to Fail @toobigtofail.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 12:12 UTC

Lie on a handgun permit application.

0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

Josh Rosenau @joshrosenau.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:08 UTC

Direct the AG to initiate civil asset forfeit of Mar-a-lago, Trump Tower, Bedminster, etc. Make Trump prove they weren’t bought using illegally obtained funds or the proceeds of a crime. Auction them off to nonprofits for low-income housing.

0 replies 1 reposts 11 likes

Josh Rosenau @joshrosenau.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:04 UTC

Order US marshals to raise pride flags at Alito’s house every morning.

0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Groinhammer @groinhammer.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:53 UTC

Clown costumes to be new Supreme Court uniform.

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Steve Stevers @stevesteverers.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:08 UTC

I want him to drive a car right through the front door of all the pharma companies with monopolies on epi pens and insulin and walk up and slap the ceos and steal their wallets and use their credit cards to buy epi pens and insulin for anyone who wants it

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

The Book of the Void @eddyrobinson.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:41 UTC

Steal the original copy of the Constitution and refuse to say where it's hidden Destroy the little subway in the Capitol so lawmakers are forced to walk Burn down the SCOTUS building while they're on summer recess Wear a white suit after Labor day

0 replies 0 reposts 16 likes

Mr. ‘Teasy Weasy’ Raymond, Stylist to the Stars @bisonfish.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:34 UTC

Steal a succulent Chinese meal

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Lora Kolodny @lorak.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:35 UTC

insubordination - www.youtube.com/watch?v=18Hd...

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Super Macho Man @inhiding.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 03:15 UTC

At the very least, he’s got to put Sulzberger on the no fly list, right?

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

@la-crystal.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 15:32 UTC

I'm pushing for 'take their guns.'

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

C. "Count Deathtoll" Reynolds @countdeathtoll.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 09:13 UTC

Taking a dump on the lawn of RNC headquarters.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

SkynetAndChill.com @skynetandchill.com [ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 04:40 UTC

pass out abortion information in Texas or Idaho or Tennessee or one of the other simpleton citadels

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

CJ @notapodcaster.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:51 UTC

Order every cybertruck to be impounded if it's on federal property.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Gfrancie (Benevolent Siren) @gfrancie.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:53 UTC

Civil forfeiture of Thomas' RV. Oh... make Kavanaugh explain how his gambling debts were paid off. Make Alito wear a hat that has a big dong on it.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

@mstevens86.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:27 UTC

Find a bald eagle and punch it. Urinate on the Supreme Court building. Steal the Declaration of Independence. Smoke a joint while sitting on the Lincoln Memorial's lap. Family game of Jenga with the Washington Monument.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jon @jonpainter.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:30 UTC

Federalizing the Texas National Guard and suppressing the "insurrection" in Texas.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

DavidNelsonNM @davidnelsonnm.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:58 UTC

Reinstate Milli Vanilli’s best new artist Grammy.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Mitch Solomon @mitchsolomon.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:35 UTC

Emminent domain at Mar a Lago

1 replies 0 reposts 23 likes

Derek Powazek @fraying.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:31 UTC

Growing some weed in the White House Rose Garden.

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

Patrick Matthews @matthewsp.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 10:39 UTC

Speedrun through Mike Chase’s “How to Become a Federal Criminal”. Maybe start by selling pork with boar taint.

www.amazon.com/How-Become-F...

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Simon @thedenature.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:53 UTC

A few well-chosen assassinations would definitely make an important point.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Pwnallthethings @pwnallthethings.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:36 UTC

download a car

6 replies 1 reposts 150 likes

Chris Kluwe @chriswarcraft.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:32 UTC

- Tells the USPS not to deliver mail to Republicans anymore (ALL registered voting Republicans) - Tells the IRS to provide the general public with a list of the most pernicious tax evaders - Robs a Wells Fargo with a canvas bag covered in a dollar sign in order to “pay back the national debt”

3 replies 9 reposts 120 likes

Asher Langton @asherlangton.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:00 UTC

Open a mail order mifepristone dispensary in the White House.

0 replies 0 reposts 21 likes

Asher Langton @asherlangton.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:48 UTC

Steal John Roberts’ identity with the help of the IRS and use credit cards opened in the Chief Justice’s name to buy a really sick Camaro.

0 replies 2 reposts 21 likes

Excalibur Discount Legal Services @kevychristian.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 15:58 UTC

They institute a real, Simpsons-style Bear Patrol and he orders them to nuke Yellowstone because of the Grizzly-menace.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Bill Kalish @colorschoolbeat.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:08 UTC

Play Shkreli’s Wu-Tang album for us in the Oval Office.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

🌻 ☮️ ᗪIᗩᑎOᗰIGᕼTY ☮️ 🌻 @blopeep.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:34 UTC

speeding in the mustang, of course!

2 replies 1 reposts 22 likes

Kaerick @kaerick.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:17 UTC

Having SEAL Team 6 simultaneously deliver flowers and chocolates to all 6 conservative SCOTUS while in full dress uniform at 3 AM on a Tuesday.

1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

By Way of Plymouth @bywayofplymouth.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:39 UTC

My partner submits: "Joe, it's time to steal all the Cheezits from the nearest 7-11."

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

chbarts @chbarts.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:00 UTC

Declare no-parking zones around the Supreme Court building, enforce them, and make the justices walk to work.

0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Shannon of little importance @sdeminimis.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:28 UTC

Taking the front doors and toilets from six justices' homes, and using them for an art project on the White House lawn.

0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

nobody @petbugs13.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:14 UTC

- giving Hunter a $1 billion no-bid contract - setting up a private email server just for emails to and from Hillary Clinton - wrapping Christmas gifts using classified documents - asking the IRS to audit Clarence Thomas over the forgiven loan for his motorhome

0 replies 1 reposts 8 likes

@justjojr.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 07:16 UTC

Drawing a giant penis on the Washington monument and adding topiary at the base for balls

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

artwells @artwells.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:20 UTC

He should walk into Mar-A-Lago and just Piss Everywhere

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Daniel Ninja @okiest.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:08 UTC

Does he necessarily need to do crimes. I feel like the decision just frees him up to do a bunch of things that need to be done but were ambiguous before.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Joé McKen @joemcken.net [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:27 UTC

Sleeping on a sidewalk in Grants Pass, OR in a tent with the POTUS seal slapped onto it.

1 replies 3 reposts 139 likes

Lola Rob Manfred is Ruining Baseball @lawbibliophile.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:40 UTC

Attach the Astros* trophies to the back of the motorcade a la George Costanza. Change the name back to Anaheim Angels. Ban the designated hitter. Force Rob Manfred to go to every town where he eliminated a minor league team and sit in a dunk tank.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Joe Haydu @joehaydu.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:42 UTC

Order all units with working A-10s to do continual strafing runs down the street in front of six particular houses. When the planes are reloading, have a military marching band violate every possible noise ordinance.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

EasilyDistracted @babblingfringe.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:39 UTC

Buying a gun while actively smoking a joint would be a tasty one, given the Hunter sitch

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

Midwest Emu 🇵🇸 🇸🇩 @phlkn.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:32 UTC

Assassinate SCOTUS

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Johnny Vector @johnnyvector.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 11:11 UTC

Declare a climate emergency. (Not funny-ha-ha, funny-YESSS.)

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Memento Rori @roricomics.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:58 UTC

Molly party in the Rose Garden!

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Memento Rori @roricomics.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:56 UTC

Commercials that are just pirated NFL games.

2 replies 0 reposts 8 likes

Kaitlyn the Strange @omendreamer.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:32 UTC

Removing a tag from a mattress.

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Gwen McNamara @timeandagwen.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:41 UTC

My idea is for Biden to turn the judges’ homes into parking lots. Also Mar-A-Lago should be a homeless shelter.

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

Rine @rine.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:28 UTC

To be fair, you can make an assassination -very- funny. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassi...

1 replies 2 reposts 37 likes

Michael K(amera) ☭ @drdooms.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:27 UTC

Jaywalking to the next debate, loitering at a trump hotel, I'm sure I can think of more in a minute

2 replies 1 reposts 36 likes

Michael 🇩🇰 @mft80.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 10:24 UTC

Reinstitute the draft with a draft period of 100 years. Draft only Donald Trump. Abolish the draft again. Send Donald to boot camp. Command the army to assign private Trump to permanent latrine duty.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

bematthe @bematthe.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 11:59 UTC

He just goes to a grocery store, pockets a few small things while saying "this is an official act." Opens a bag of chips, eats a handful and puts them back and says "Official act." Spray paints something obscene on the side of the grocery story saying "Yep, also official."

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

@ninjamonkky.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 20:58 UTC

I mean, I would simply invite the 700 billionaires to the White House, hand them papers which Nationalized 75% their assets and income, and a letter of pardon for the President for skull hammering them to death, then ask which one they'd like signed. 30-40 yrs of good could I do with one crime!

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Difficult Opinions @difficultopinions.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:51 UTC

Instruct the Dept of Education to no longer generate loan payment invoices.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

CUR3X @cur3x.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 14:51 UTC

Send federal agents to rob banks dressed like cartoony cowboy bandits, then use the stolen money to fund student loan forgiveness.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Karate Dentist @karatedentist.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 21:06 UTC

Mint a trillion dollar coin in the reserve

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

J @poouliinhanawi.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:38 UTC

Election Day? Why limit it to then. The most dangerous time is now the time between when a President loses and the inauguration. Trump used it but now will know he could have gone even further.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Colin McMillen @mcmillen.dev [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:22 UTC

go to Alito's house and steal all the flags

0 replies 0 reposts 10 likes

Craig M. Ranapia @craigmranapia.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:32 UTC

Clarence and GInni Thomas get an annual home visit from their dedicated IRS audit team to help them fill out those financial disclosures they find so challenging!

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Keith @mosheroperandi.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:30 UTC

Stealing Thomas' RV and sleeping overnight in the city limits of Grants Pass (he gives a speech, so he's there on official business)

2 replies 1 reposts 85 likes

Dawn Xiana Moon @dawnxianamoon.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:14 UTC

Arresting every SCOTUS member who ruled in favor of immunity. And then pardoning them, because we're not actually monsters.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Punchy Wombat @punchywombat.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 08:47 UTC

Bulldoze the Supreme Court building while they're on vacation and put up a statue of Fredrick Douglas in its stead.

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

Punchy Wombat @punchywombat.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 08:41 UTC

Paying off student loans with cold hard cash from the treasury. All you have to do is turn up to the White House with your official invoice.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Doug Hanke @dougmakingstuff.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:21 UTC

Mint the coin to pay off the national debt, only it's a moldy bagel. Legal tender because the President said!

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Sean Eric Fagan @kithrup.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 08:47 UTC

Throw chunks of peanut butter at republican congresspeople who come to the white house, and then let his dog loose. Hell, invite Democrats to bring their dogs, and let them all loose. Personally seize Mar-a-Lago and turn it into a homeless shelter.

1 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Don Macfarlane @revmod.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:04 UTC

Trump Tax Returns!

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Arkancrow @arkancrow.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:32 UTC

He should seize all the electronic records, emails, text messages, phone records, banking records from Donors Trust‹ Leonard Leo, the Justices, The Federalist Society and all the indicted for the January 6 and put them online in a searchable format.

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Arkancrow @arkancrow.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:26 UTC

Call Xi Jiping live on television and propose him to cancel all tarifs policy. Against 2 billions in his personal account.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

El Topo @eltopo71.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:04 UTC

Decree that Donald Trump's name is not to be printed on any ballots. Force the renaming of the street on which Mar-a-lago is located after Hilary Clinton. Have the Parks Service rename the place where Trump gave his J6 speech "Traitor's Square".

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

“Magneto Was Right” in Bio @amosburtonrisen.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:39 UTC

Doxxing SCOTUS and every property they own so they can’t escape the guillotine, and offering five billion dollars to whoever brings him the most SCOTUS scalps

1 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

“Magneto Was Right” in Bio @amosburtonrisen.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:36 UTC

Quartering soldiers in Alito’s home

2 replies 3 reposts 64 likes

“Magneto Was Right” in Bio @amosburtonrisen.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:35 UTC

Getting blisteringly drunk, kicking off the guest host of SNL that week, dancing around naked to Dylan’s “Disease of Conceit” and loudly swearing whenever he falls over. The rest of the episode is a shot for shot one-man remake of A Boy and His Dog. He refuses to pay FCC fines.

2 replies 0 reposts 12 likes

Aabra C. Mastodon, PDX Stereotype @acjaggard.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:35 UTC

you honestly got me curious what crimes went down at the White House and god *damn* we need a Horrible Histories for Adults about all the drugs, honor killings, and butt stuff
www.vice.com/en/article/w...

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

@briancullen.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:25 UTC

Implement an OSHA rule regulating the length of neckties

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Mark Shatraw @markshatraw.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:39 UTC

bsky.app/profile/mark...

2 replies 1 reposts 19 likes

David @realrealsquid.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:30 UTC

Charge Loper Bright double for their federal fishing monitors.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Brianomite 🧨 @brianomite.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:46 UTC

Go to Texas and drive someone to their abortion appointment

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Nat Gertler @nat.gertler.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:07 UTC

Quartering soldiers in the homes of Roberts and Aliti, and Thomas's RV.

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Sherman Dorn @shermandorn.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 14:16 UTC

He could live-stream all of his criming on Twitch.

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

@elkaneo.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:05 UTC

close an army base and quarter all the soldiers at mar-a-lago

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

EvilGinger- Queen of Naps @evilginger013.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:52 UTC

Go into the ice cream freezer section at WalMart, remove the lids from several containers of ice cream, and lick the top of the ice cream inside. Then put the lids back on and put the ice cream back onto the shelf in the freezer.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Jason / Method One @method1.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 07:03 UTC

Record and rebroadcast a game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Melinda Clem @melindaclem.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 14:16 UTC

Take control of water around MAL and place hundreds of windmills.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

C. W. House @cwhouse.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:29 UTC

Run up a Pride flag at the Alitos' house.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

@itsjustzip.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:51 UTC

He could go perform an abortion in Florida.

0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

@itsjustzip.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:48 UTC

Command a U.S. Army armored regiment to paint their tanks in pride colors and go do donuts on the golf course at Mar-a-Lago.

1 replies 1 reposts 9 likes

Tom Osinski @osinskireflex.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 11:44 UTC

Cancel the election

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Tom Osinski @osinskireflex.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:52 UTC

Name the federalist society a terror organization and immediately place all members on the terror watch list

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Ali Fleih @alifleih.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:19 UTC

1. Create a new official language that defines "Donald Trump" as "Joe Biden." When people vote for Trump, they'll actually vote for Biden. Boom, Biden is on his way to win basically every state. 2. Anyone voting for Biden gets a thousand dollars. All the money is then chargedback after election day

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Saxon Walker @saxonwaker.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 15:37 UTC

Ignored uniformed crew member instructions while on Air Force One.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Lizard @lizardky.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 11:31 UTC

As an official act, he can order all Secret Service personnel to stand down in any role involving protecting Trump, his family, or the six judges who granted Trump immunity. His motivation for doing so cannot be questioned in court, per the SC.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

CEO Nwabudike Morgan @fibonacci.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 12:53 UTC

Violate HIPAA to find out whether Trump actually has any record of bone spurs.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Chris Rory @chrisrory.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:01 UTC

Electric chair for Trump. Sure, he’s got impunity, but so does Biden who could decree it by executive order

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

@kirklewisweber.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 12:21 UTC

Mess with the smart devices inside the homes of six supreme court justices, so that they play Biden/Harris commercials 24 hours a day. If not that, maybe the cars for kids song.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Chad Briggs @chadmbriggs.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:33 UTC

Have the National Weather Service start reporting everything in metric

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

National Security Counselors 🕵 @natlseccnslrs.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:28 UTC

Two words Bit Torrent

2 replies 1 reposts 63 likes

David Hope @hopethoughts.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 10:24 UTC

Download and publish the contents of JSTOR

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jameson Quinn @voter.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 15:49 UTC

bsky.app/profile/vote...

(Funny but I'm totally serious.)

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

@als8ae.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 14:05 UTC

Steal all the toilets from the SCOTUS building

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Andrew Brobston @andrewbrobston.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:07 UTC

Issue a check for under a dollar to every U.S. taxpayer. www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/...

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Brian Orce (Twitter must be destroyed) @jimnobu.tv [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:24 UTC

Canceling the elections

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

The chicken lady @chickenlady.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 17:07 UTC

As an official decree, paint all the trains in rainbow colours

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Scooter @greyhavens.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:44 UTC

Slash the tires on the chief justice's car (tenuous "official" purpose: to prevent said car from blocking a presidential motorcade).

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Professor Coolbreeze @bsarginger.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:36 UTC

Publicly screen baseball games on the White House lawn without consent of the MLB to highlight antitrust policy.

1 replies 1 reposts 42 likes

C.Suthorn :prn: @Life-is.no-pony.farm.ap.brid.gy [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:53 UTC

@mmasnick.bsky.social

Make the value of Pi officially 3.

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

Wendell Albright @wendella.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:05 UTC

Instruct the entire government to continue to apply Chevron.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Balzac Asimov, Irritant Ordinaire👨‍🦯 @balzac-asimov.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:15 UTC

The Beast (his limo) needs to be parked on Alito's lawn, dripping oil

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Finnegans @finnegans.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:33 UTC

A reenactment of the story “Lucky” told Eli Cross (from “The Stuntman”) where he killed a man by dunking his head into a large vat of ice cream. Let your imagination take over from there…

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

the talented Mr. Dittmann @werrrp.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:37 UTC

throw cans of soup on the White House portraits of Andrew Jackson and Ronald Reagan

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

LEE (they/he) @mycomagus.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 07:02 UTC

Endless defamation.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Nick Garcia @nwgarcia.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 10:36 UTC

Order Seal Team 6 to break into Alito's place and turn all of his furniture upside down when he's out of the house.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Michael Ditto @janus303.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:48 UTC

Order the DOJ not to prosecute Hunter and order the DOJ to prosecute Javanka.

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Bart W @bartosh.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:34 UTC

Have military bands perform outside the justices' homes nightly from 9pm-5am.

1 replies 3 reposts 59 likes

Steve Middlebrook @stmdc.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 07:46 UTC

A much better idea. He should sign a copy of the Declaration of Independence detailing the crimes of the King, praising individual liberty, and claiming our personal freedom from tyrants both foreign and domestic. Signing such a document would be viewed as a crime by King George and King Donald.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Steve Middlebrook @stmdc.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 07:14 UTC

Harass a manatee in violation of the Marine Mammal Protection Act of 1972.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

High Plains Biffster @biffthetick.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:54 UTC

Piss on John Roberts’s leg next time he sees him.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

@relaxedninja.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:54 UTC

Dropping sewage over Alito's and Thomas's homes.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Donna L @donnalfromny.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 11:38 UTC

Stop House Republicans from suing Merrick Garland for the audio recording of Joe's interview with a special counsel in his classified documents case. We know T will stop all lawsuits that involve him

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Christian Mott @cjmott.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:21 UTC

Directing audits of certain justices, which would otherwise violate 26 USC 7217. (Note that the justices would probably find a reason to say that this one wasn't immune.)

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jennifed @jennifed.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:25 UTC

Set up a POTUS bot to buy all concert, sports, and theater tickets then mail them to democrats. Use SCOTUS building maintenance and payroll money to do it.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jennifed @jennifed.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:16 UTC

Well, for real he could fire DeJoy.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

TaoOfTweet (and I'm sticking to it) @starfisher.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 15:24 UTC

Pardon someone convicted of large heist where the loot was never recovered to get things going. Then start giving guest speeches about how hard it is to get by on just a president’s salary (wink).

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

David Hood @thoughtfulnz.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:39 UTC

Declare war on the sea, and have the entire armed forces gather seashells as spoils of war.

0 replies 0 reposts 9 likes

Schrödinger the ᓚᘏᗢ @iamschrodinger.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 11:24 UTC

Order the scotus justices who voted for that ruling held in contempt of democracy. Oh, he is violating your habeas corpus? You aren't allowed to present evidence of that to the remaining three justices. How ya gonna rule from prison, buddy?

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Donkey Hotay @donkee.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 16:38 UTC

Any person who encounters djt or any member of his family, can shout “Hump Trump” and their SS detail gives them 5 seconds to run before pursuing, tackling and dry humping them for 45 minutes

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Bugge-Finder Private Newton Pulsifer 🏳️‍⚧️ @apsciencebydan.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:19 UTC

Mandatory ivermectin vaccinations for registered republican voters

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Alice in Keynes @aliceinkeynes.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:38 UTC

Mug Canada.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Kalil @kalilchernov.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 07:36 UTC

Upload publicly funded studies that are paywalled on JSTOR to a public, free server. Traditionally a death penalty crime, but he could get away with it!

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Jjinandtonic @jjinandtonic.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:51 UTC

Take Bob Menendez’s gold bars

0 replies 0 reposts 8 likes

Bee Geesmith @beegeesmith.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:53 UTC

Performing free abortions in Oklahoma for patients coming from Texas.

0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

Bee Geesmith @beegeesmith.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:45 UTC

Order the post office to issue change of address for all registered republicans the week before mail-in ballots are sent out in their respective states.

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

Owlsys @owlsys.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 18:55 UTC

Hunter Biden Full Pardon. Just to watch Republicans shit their diapers.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Kat Benatar @feliskathryn.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:30 UTC

can he key trump’s car idk lol

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Ben Applegate@AX🔜SDCC @benapplegate.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:20 UTC

Is it against the law perhaps to start ignoring the Supreme Court altogether?

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

𝑏𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑛𝑜𝑙𝑖𝑎𝑠 @petestaiano.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 11:52 UTC

Banning the sale of KitKats and deploying squads to remove them from every household

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Al G Rhythm @algrhythm.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 14:07 UTC

Remove all the mattress tags in the White House.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Al G Rhythm @algrhythm.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 14:06 UTC

Order Merrick Garland to suspend U.S. Marshal protection for Supremes.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Marcel @guernth.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:05 UTC

Build a wall around the Trump tower - without construction permit! And let Donald Trump pay for it!

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

JEEMS @jamesfrye.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:19 UTC

Release all of Trump’s actually filed tax information to the public. Release Trump’s medical information too, to the extent a real record was kept in White House archives somewhere.

1 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Saturn @saturn0000.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:37 UTC

Seizing yachts from billionaires and having the navy use em as target practice

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Richard @renuvian.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 20:18 UTC

Mint The Coin and deposit $1 trillion into his personal checking account

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Chris Gentle @xop.co [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:44 UTC

Quarter a bunch of soldiers at Mar-a-Lago

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

Steve Watts @sporkyreeve.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:38 UTC

Falsifying business records to influence an election

0 replies 0 reposts 9 likes

KC Momkin @kc-momkin.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:56 UTC

Distribute banned books in Florida.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

KC Momkin @kc-momkin.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:50 UTC

Pull the fire alarm in the middle of a Jim Jordan tirade at the Capitol, obstructing an official procedure, so he can announce a new executive order prohibiting guns in DC.

0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

2amcoffee @2amcoffee.butt.dance [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:30 UTC

Helicopter-dick-ing on the White House front lawn

1 replies 0 reposts 11 likes

Andrea @andrea.tryste.ro [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:51 UTC

Offer Clarence Thomas an enormous bribe fresh from the Federal Reserve to retire

0 replies 0 reposts 10 likes

Andrea @andrea.tryste.ro [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:50 UTC

Show up at the homes of six justices with Secret Service backup and perform an atomic wedgie

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

That Anonymous Coward @thatac.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:57 UTC

Claim ownership of a certain mouse & associated characters.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

That Anonymous Coward @thatac.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:36 UTC

Station troops in Mar a Lago.

0 replies 0 reposts 16 likes

Jefferson Smith @smithinhell.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 02:55 UTC

Releasing all of Trump’s unredacted tax returns.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Not A TikTok @notatiktok.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:59 UTC

Smoking Marijuana on federal property, then going to a gun store and lying on his ATF form 4473 about drug use.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Chuck Grassley's goat @chuckgoat.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:09 UTC

Pardon every single federal inmate. All of them. Empty every federal correctional facility. Give each of them a bus ticket to Florida. Whatever bus station is closest to Mar-A-Lago.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Micah @rincewind.run [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:29 UTC

"first person to bring me an entire crate of gold bars from Fort Knox gets a pardon and can keep half the crate, I keep the other half as an official gratuity"

6 replies 14 reposts 234 likes

cats_hell_yeah @sukatra.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 14:24 UTC

Set up a free abortion clinic on the South Lawn of the WH and cover the travel, lodging and leave costs for every patient who needs an abortion but lives in a state where it's prohibited.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

cats_hell_yeah @sukatra.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 14:14 UTC

Disband Fox News

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

cats_hell_yeah @sukatra.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 14:12 UTC

Declare August 1st as Dark Brandon Day and every social media account in the country must display a Dark Brandon image on its home page or as its avatar for that day.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

SwampLizard @swamplizard.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:40 UTC

1 replies 0 reposts 11 likes

Joe Schmutzler @joeschmutzler.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 14:02 UTC

Show up at banks saying he needs all their money. He and Kamala could even wear masks of presidents like in point break.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jack Orion @orionjack.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 11:56 UTC

Use military to keep chik fil a open on Sundays

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Rene @burdenofmemes.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 18:13 UTC

Obviously he should buy a bunch of books, scan them, and lend them out one-at-a-time to public library patrons

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

🌻Bread @breadlife.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:46 UTC

Build a wall around every trump property. A spite wall. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spite_f...

0 replies 0 reposts 8 likes

EmergentWake @emergentwake.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 21:52 UTC

1. Biden no longer wears pants. It's balls out from now on. 2. Wherever Clarence Thomas parks his motor coach, Biden is there, slashing his tires and keying the paint. 3. Every morning, one justice gets a steaming bowl of shit fresh from the President thrown through their bedroom window.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Susan Rinkunas has a newsletter @susanrinkunas.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:34 UTC

My contribution

7 replies 37 reposts 128 likes

Arcane Mundane @wabisabihobo.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 21:40 UTC

Revoke trump's citizenship.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

solomonchik @msolomonchik.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 07:59 UTC

I am. I thought of one tonight but the overloaded brain can’t recall it and my husband refuses to listen to my amusing yet germane idea.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

EL BARTO ANTI-WORK @elbarto.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:51 UTC

Smoking one of those DMT vapes during public events

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

🇺🇦 Winston…just Winston🕺 @inspector-w.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:48 UTC

Kick any Republican that enters the Oval for a meeting, right in the crotch.

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

∞ Monkeys @somanymonkeys.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:48 UTC

Installing Bittorrent & sharing copyrighted content.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jeff Bell @jeffbell408.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:57 UTC

Doing donuts on a golf green

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Sallymander 🦎 @narwhallibrarian.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:27 UTC

Go on a rampage ripping off mattress tags in stores.

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

@fakebooze.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:17 UTC

Award the trademark for 'Trump' to an anti-fascist organisation

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

@fakebooze.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:45 UTC

Remove Trump's secret service protection

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

@fakebooze.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 05:44 UTC

Order the FAA to ban Trump from flying

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Kevin OMalley @holyshitimfucked.com [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:50 UTC

Rendition the conservative justices to Guantanamo Bay.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Nathan A. Stine @stinerman.mastodon.social.ap.brid.gy [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 04:28 UTC

@mmasnick.bsky.social he should have all of the justices' vehicles impounded.

2 replies 0 reposts 67 likes

Reuxben @reuxben.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 09:11 UTC

But it would be so funny if he did do it in broad daylight on 5th Avenue, though...

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Torbjörn Björkman @torbjornbjorkman.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:31 UTC

Next time you have one of your should-we-fund-the-government shitshows in Congress, jail the holdouts until the vote is done "to protect the Republic". Just to pick one Trump surely would do.

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Richard P Clark @zippyrich.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:31 UTC

Disable a smoke detector on a commercial flight.

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